My Control Over The Predators Is Slipping!

In my post entitled "My Plan Is Working Perfectly", I mentioned my unbroken streak of only paying attention to Losing Predators games. Every game I followed, they lost, every game I ignored, they won. Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle in action. Coming up, at the time was a match-up against the Detroit Red Wings, which I wanted to , but didn't want to jinx*.

Well, I Followed along on the Radio for the first Period, and the first few minutes of the second. I abandoned the game to spend time with my wife, and we watched a movie. When the movie was done, I checked online for the score, only to find there was no final score yet, because the game was still in overtime! Nashville didn't make it out of overtime the winner, but the way the NHL standings work, if you manage to not lose during "regulation" game time, you still get awarded a "point" in the overall league rankings. So a tie that you lose in overtime still counts as a tie for you in the broader picture.

So for my streak, that matched perfectly. I now had Three possible outcomes:

1. Pay No Attention, Win Outright.
   
2. Follow Closely, Lose Miserably.
3. Pay Some Attention, and Lose in Overtime, Scoring a Tie.

I paid absolutely no attention to the Next 3 games, in which we Beat Columbus at Home and Away, and also dispensed with the Chicago Blackhawks. The Streak continued unabated.

Then the other night, at work, I checked to see how the Preds had been doing lately, and what the schedule looked like, and was surprised to find a tied game still in progress! (Against the St.Louis Blues, one of the Preds' most hated division rivals, who this year bought Paul Kariya, one of Nashville's star players, out from under us. Some people I know are still very upset about that.) [Warning: Link Contains Mature Language (and Immature Attitude).]

I should have turned away right then. The game was tied, with just a couple of minutes to go. But I listened. I listened intently, as the game went to "sudden-death" overtime. I listened as the scoreless overtime period became a shootout. I listened with dread, as Paul Kariya took his turn as shooter, and in ecstasy as he failed to win the game for his new, deeper-pocketed team. And finally I listened as, again, we lost a game in overtime. The Streak Remained Unbroken.

Then last night, I got a newsflash that the Predators lost AGAIN to the Blues (this time in regulation play) on Monday.
NNOOOOOoooo!!

The Streak Was broken, but in the wrong direction!! I kept hoping to break the streak, but by observing a Win, not by letting a Loss slip by!

Silver Lining, Though: I can watch a game now without fear of The Jinx*.

*For a marginally related bit of info-cational edu-tainment, check out this video, which is the simplest, and best, layman's introduction to "Quantum Weirdness" in which The Act of Observing An Event Changes The Event's Outcome. See, It's not Superstition, it's Science!

My Plan Is Working Perfectly!

I have Watched, listened to, or otherwise paid close attention to 7 Nashville Predators games this season. I have missed, sometimes to the point of not even knowing a game was happening, 7 Predators games this season.

The Predators record so far this season. 7 wins, 7 miserable losses. Guess which 7 games were the ones I paid attention to.

Yep.

In the post from October 30th, I said "I need to miss a few predators games." So I did. I paid absolutely no attention to the sports page for a whole week. In that week, they played (though I was unaware of it at the time) against the Vancouver Canucks, the Edmonton Oilers, and the Chicago Blackhawks.

And the beat them all (each by a 3-point margin!), scoring 3, 4, and 5 points in those games, respectively!


Yes, friends... I am proving I am a true Nashville Predators fan by not watching, listening to, or even checking on the score of, a single one of their games.

That being said, I am going to attempt to watch, or otherwise monitor, the their match against the Detroit Red Wings tomorrow evening. I am not sure if I will be able to watch it or not, but those of you who will be watching that game (both of you) will probably be able to tell if I am.

[Update:] Aha... I just figured out how to get around my jinx! I will be watching the game, but I will be rooting against the Preds! That way I can continue my streak of perpetual disappointment, but Nashville's team won't have to suffer for it.

Not that I'm superstitious or anything, 'cuz that's just silly.

Let's (don't) Go, Predators!

Predators go down in Flames!

My streak survives! I definitely need to miss a few Pred's games. They are making me depressed!

You know whose anniversary is the day after mine?

Pete Weber's!

I know this because he read my post about MY anniversary (after the google blogsearch engine sniffed out his name in it), and sent me an email! How cool is that?

Frank –

Glad to read you celebrated your wedding anniversary with Terry and me from San Jose – sorry about the result. The next day (21st) was my wedding anniversary!
All the best,

Pete Weber

Technically speaking, that game was so late at night that it actually was his anniversary in most of the U.S. by the time it was done. Having to work on your anniversary is a bummer. Although having to go to work watching a hockey game is not so bad, I guess. Unless your team loses terribly, continuing a losing streak, which is what happened.

Well, I am going to go join my buddy Pete again, in a little more than an hour to watch (or possibly only listen to) the Preds take on the Calgary Flames. So far this season I have missed every game that we won, so I would like to break my losing streak as a spectator.

So, Frank, How Was Your Anniversary

It was Good. The Best Anniversary Celebration I've Ever Had...

'Cept fer the Darn Sharks.

We went to the Tennessee Aquarium, in Chattanooga. After a Beautiful, Scenic drive up Highway 41, (during which we listened to a podcast of some guys discussing why they are afraid of going in the water because of sharks,) We went to the Ticket booth and got our tickets to Both the Aquarium and the IMAX 3D show.

The Tennessee Aquarium is comprised of two buildings The Original building is called "River Journey" and the new Expansion is "Ocean Journey". We had been to the original building nearly a decade ago, but hadn't seen the three major acquisitions since then, namely Seahorses, (in a basement expansion of the "River Journey" building, even though they live in the ocean.) Penguins, and Sharks! The Seahorse exhibit, the first one you see upon entering the Main Building, was pretty awesome. I took a picture of the most unbelievable creature in that exhibit, the Australian Sea Dragon. That is not its official name, but it is a sea dragon, and it lives in Australia. There was also a Tasmanian Sea Dragon, which was slightly less awesome. This one, which lives in kelp beds, looks just like kelp, making it the aquatic version of the terrestrial Bug-that-looks-like-a stick. (also not an official name.)

Yep, that's a fish, not a plant. The pic on the right has three of them. You can't tell scale in these photos, so I'll tell you; these dudes are about 10-12 inches long.

Anyway that is the only critter I photographed, because I started noticing all the other tourists looking at every single exhibit through a camera, and realized that they looked like jerks, and then I remembered that John Mayer song, "3X5", and I realized that if I insisted on photographing every single interesting thing in a museum full of interesting things, I was going to be giving myself a really long and tiring day. So if you want to see the rest of the Tennessee Aquarium Critters, Go to Choo-Choo City and buy yourself a ticket. It's worth it, I promise.

The Rest of the aquarium was awesome, Except for two things. The Penguins, located over in the New Ocean Building, were disappointing for me. There was ONE room full of penguins. About 40 (maybe more) of the little guys all in a room smaller than my garage. That was on their side of the glass. On the warmer, human, side of the glass, were an even larger number of children who had all recently seen the movies "Surf's Up" and "Happy Feet". The room was packed, on both sides of the glass, and I, who felt a need to leave, felt really bad for the penguins, who could not.

As soon as I left the penguins, there were the sharks. And about 900 other varieties of very edible looking smaller fish. We had the really good fortune of showing up at feeding time, when about 20 reeeaallly long handled shovels, full of what I have to assume was Romaine lettuce, were lowered into the Enormous Saltwater Tank. The tank was built to duplicate the living conditions of a coral reef. There might have actually been some living coral, I don't know. But there were 11 foot long Sandtiger Sharks! Maybe half a dozen, maybe less, maybe more. Upon seeing these large beasties, I was ever more eager to see their Greater, Whiter cousins for a comparison.

Next stop - Wonderful invertebrates. Jellyfish that illuminated, cuttlefish that flickered, man-o-war type critters with really long, lazy tendrils, and ...HOLY $#@%! what are those things!

Those things were Giant Spider Crabs, and they looked like the bad guys from Starship Troopers. Did I mention this section of the museum was in very low light, to simulate the dim conditions where the various deep-water creatures live? In the dark (Okay... dim), when you have just been gazing at beautiful Sea Nettles, drifting like clouds across the black water, the last thing you want to turn around to see is a giant spider crab two feet away from you. These things looked the size of Dobermans, and were clicking up against the glass like they couldn't wait to escape and have their vengeance on the puny humans in the room.
<--crabs-- --aliens-->

After regaining my composure (and a quick check-up in the men's room), we moved on to..

A different view of the big coral reef tank again. OK, been there done that, where are the Great Whites? I want to see Jaws, Dangit! So we moved on, downstairs to...

The UNDERNEATH view of the same gigantic coral reef tank. That was pretty cool, I have to admit, but I kind of hurried through it, eager to get on to...

The EXIT? Wait, where are the Great White Sharks! Where's Jaws, and the Cello Music, and.. the Exit? The Gift Shop and the Exit? After seeing all that awesomeness, I felt a little ripped off. I don't know if they HAD great whites, on temporary loan, at some point in the past, or if maybe they never had them but they just advertised Big, Dangerous, Man-eating Sharks!, and I just assumed Great Whites. But they don't have any Great White Sharks in Chattanooga, Just FYI. Sandtiger sharks were cool, but would it kill you to put some fricking LASER beams on their fricking heads, would it? I mean, come on, throw me a bone here, People!

After The Aquarium, and the IMAX 3D show, and Lunch at the Mellow Mushroom, Becca and I secured our hotel room (A nice one, at the Hampton Inn, Because I am picky about hotel rooms nowadays) and went to the Comedy Catch. The opening act was a juggler/comic with an immensely long beard, who was pretty funny, but also pretty annoying at the same time. Right at the beginning he asked who could juggle, and pulled me up onto the stage to prove it to everyone. I made several drops before finally getting them going, and after making fun of me for about 5 or 6 minutes, he offered to buy me a drink for being a good sport.
"What are you drinking tonight?" He asked as I walked back to my seat.
"Water, So far!" I said.
"Aw, You don't even have any excuse, then!"

The Headliner was funny, but still doing the exact same routine she was doing 4 years ago. And rushing through it like she had somewhere more important to be. We had a good time though, I I got this picture before the show started.

So later on we were making use of the Free Cable that came with the hotel room, and we'd had a busy day, so we were both really tired, when Becca flipped past Fox Sports Network, and I heard the Dulcet tones of Terry Crisp and Pete Weber announcing a Predators Game was on the Air! The Predators were playing in San Jose against the ...

SHARKS!

We caught the broadcast as it broke for commercials, and I asked if Becca would mind leaving it on that channel until I could check the score. When they came back from the break, the puck dropped and the game began. Becca tossed the remote to me, rolled over and turned out the lamp. She was out like a light 10 minutes later.

I on the other hand stayed awake to the bitter end. And I do mean Bitter. The Preds didn't score at all the whole game, and then with 6 seconds left to go, down 2-0, they allowed a final goal on their empty net. It was embarrassing. Although not nearly as embarrassing as the next game they played, against the Los Angeles Kings, a couple of days later.

So having slept not much, the next day I was a little cranky, and when we got home to find Becca's Parents (The Drywall Fairies) still at our house, I walked straight in to my bedroom and unceremoniously (and probably rather rudely, now that I think about it) dropped off to sleep until the late afternoon.

So, except for the Shark-based disappointments, The 6th Anniversary was the best one yet!
I love my wife, and I'm ready for 6 more years. After that, of course, the contract will be up for re-negotiation ;)

You may remember me talking about how wasteful Aquariums (or Aquaria? Aquarii? Darn Latin Correspondence Course!) are in the past, in my post entitled "Beyond the Shadow of a Drought" well it turns out I made some large Factual blunders in that post. To find out what they are, check out Post-A-Palooza Entry Numero Dos, entitled: Frank Cannot Read a Map (and has no sense of scale)

The Good News Is, It's Raining!

The Bad News is...

1. Our Airport Cat, Isis, got hit by a car and died today.
2. Southern California is on fire
3. The Nashville Predators could get beat by a girls' little league team.

Card Tricks

Ok "Sports" fans...

Welcome to the Daily(blog of the day) Sports Programming Network's...

Ridiculously wide world of "Sports"

For this, the 4th week of July, in honor of Comic-con San Diego, where my brother has been this week (I'm insanely jealous, by the way) DSPN will be taking a look at competitive Magic of two types. Magic:The Gathering, the Collectible Card Game (aka M:TG the CCG), and actual illusionist, stage magician, sleight-of-hand, type magic.

Everyone in my immediate family has some experience with one or the other of these two "Magics". My Father has recently become a National Champion Magician, (Here's his Magical Resume), and My Mother has taken up Magic too, now that her kids are out of the house. My Siblings an I stuck to the Card Game, but now that I think about it, I am the only one to have competed at both types.

Many Many Moons Ago, when I was ...oh, let's say 8 years old (between 7 and 10, for sure), I won first prize in the Youth Close-up category, at the Winter Carnival of Magic in Gatlinburg Tennessee. I did a trick called "The Matrix" in which I made quarters disappear from beneath a napkin, and a trick called "The Whispering Queen" which is a slightly theatrical take on the oldest "pick a card, any card, sir" trick in the book. I did these tricks so well, I won First Prize in my category, did I mention that already?

oh, by the way, I was the only person entered in that category....

I still have the trophy to this day. It is about a foot tall, and is topped with a hand holding a fanned-out display of cards. It sits next to my Spelling-Bee trophy from a few years later,on my mantel at home. I am a bit more proud of the spelling bee trophy, For reasons that are obvious to those of you with good eyesight.

Several years later, in high school, I became acquainted with some friends of my brothers (Hello, Mr. Lorrance!) who were collecting Star Trek: The Next Generation Collectible Card Game Cards. (aka ST:TNG CCG cards...see how handy these initials are?) I was not a big time trekkie, but the cards were kinda fun, and once I had the concept of a Collectible Card Game explained to me, I was hooked.

Collectible Card Games, (CCG's, even) are like narcotics in a number of important ways:

1. You start because your friends are doing it
2. You sometimes have to buy your own paraphernalia from a friend, a "specialty shop", or an ad in the back of a magazine devoted to your "hobby"
3. You gather with your friends to indulge the habit
4. You spend all your money on the stuff
5. The more you do it the more you need
6. A "harmless" CCG like Yu-Gi-Oh! or Pokemon (yes, they are targeting CHILDREN with this stuff) can be a "Gateway Game" to the hard stuff, like Magic:The Gathering.

That being said, there are some important differences:

1. Drugs are actually consumed in the process of using them, whereas the Card-Flopper ends up with cratefuls of the things all over his bedroom. (And, Yeah, the masculine pronoun there was intentional, folks)
   
2. Drug Users don't have to be literate.
3. Drugs make you cool, CCG's just the opposite. (ok, just kidding... Drugs DON'T make you cool, kids. (They're BAD, m'kay?) But still... kids think that drugs will make them cool, whereas they harbor no such illusions about their Star Trek Cards. Lindsay Lohan and Robert Downey, Jr. never went in to Card Game Rehab, is what I'm tryin' to say, here.)
4. Also, there are no tournaments where people compete at their ability to do drugs (except for Major League Baseball, and The Tour De France)
   

And Sure Enough, the Star Trek Cards "Gatewayed" into Guardians cards, which in turn, "Gatewayed" into the Granddaddy of 'em All, Magic: The Gathering. Now I pretty much knew that CCG's were addictive by this point, but M:TG was supposed to be satanic as well. Just like Dungeons and Dragons! Turns out, it is no more satanic than bridge! (insert your own joke about your least favorite bridge player here) Well maybe a little more, but still, the reason it is the Granddaddy of all CCG's is that it is FUN!

Anyway, My brother and I entered a Magic tournament ourselves. I didn't bring home a trophy, (I was put out in the first round, as was my Bro), but I did become a Registered Tournament-level Player (which is kinda like having the word DORK branded into your skin, only less painful). I haven't played in years, and my cards have been stolen (unless I lent them out to someone and forgot) But every now and again I still want to pick it back up. Or maybe I should just try Heroin, instead.

Hey, at least I don't play the Trombone, too!

DSPN's Very First Sport: Competitive Drinking

So, almost immediately after I posted the , uh, post, introducing my new feature about obscure and ridiculous sports, I was at Crust, when a trio of guys walked in, one of whom was wearing a black T-shirt with the words "WIZEST WIZARDS" spelled out in White, Iron-on lettering reminiscent of Napoleon Dynamite's "Vote for Pedro" masterpiece. The logo was cross shaped, with the horizontal "WIZEST" intersecting at the "Z" in "WIZARDZ" (The final "Z" at the bottom of "WIZARDZ" was actually a sideways "N")

Now, I have spent enough years in Outer Redneckia to be nervous when I see the word "Wizard" and a Cross in close proximity, but with one look at this guy, I ruled out "Grand Wizard" in favor of "Half-Elf Level 10 Wizard with 10d4 Hit Points, and 'Pockets of Holding' ability" (If that was all nonsense to you, congratulations, you didn't eat lunch at my table in high school.)

When 5 other similarly nerdy College-age guys came in wearing the same shirt, I thought "Oh, its a team of some sort", and a look at the physiques of these guys said "Science Bowl" instead of "Super Bowl". Since I had non-traditional competitions on my mind, I decided to ask what the deal was with the shirts.

"Well, There's this Drinking Game called 'Wisest Wizard'," was the answer. A Drinking game? They had Uniforms made for a Drinking game? Apparently unlike some other Drinking games , which involve some element of chance or physical dexterity, the point of "Wisest Wizard" is quite simply to drink the most beer. The reason for the name? When you finish a can of beer, you Duct-tape it to the can you drank before it, forming a "Wizard's Staff", and at the end of the night, whoever has the biggest "staff" wins. (nothing at all phallic there, eh?) So what common bond did these people have other than a love for Fermented Barley Beverages? They were all Trombonists. That pretty much explains it.

I was in the band (ahem, sorry, in the orchestra) in 5th grade... for about 3 weeks. I quit, not out of a dislike for music, or any musical inability (although that may well have been discovered had I stuck around long enough), but rather out of Mortal Embarassment at the condition of the Instrument my parents had been able to afford; a 35 Dollar Trombone. The other kids all had rental instruments from the store out in the mall that existed solely for the purpose of renting instruments to schoolkids. Their instruments were sleek, well-oiled, expensive-looking things with brass bright enough to blind you if it caught the light just right. My trombone came from the flea market, and cost my parents 35 bucks outright. The case looked even worse than the instrument it contained; The black outer covering, something which may once have been leather, was battered and peeling off in chunks, and it was lined with, instead of the black-velvety material in the other kids' cases, a red, shag-carpety material, which didn't look any better off than the outside. The Trombone itself was corroded in places, and had a couple of dents, right in the bell of the horn. I dreaded band class every single time it met, and as our first concert drew near (the orchestral equivalent of "Hot Cross Buns", I'm Sure - It was 5th grade after all), the thought of being seen on stage with my flea-market, hand-me-down horn drove me to drop out all together.

Good thing I did, or now I might be comparing "staves" with the other "WIZARDZ", after rolling 3d4-3 to determine hit point damage due to alcohol poisoning. And then going home alone to my trombone.

-------- Daily Haiku of the Day --------

Hey Dungeon Master,
Can We Use Brass Instruments
As Melee Weapons?
------------------

Air Guitar Competition

As I listened to music yesterday morning over my Breakfasty-toasty, I struck up a little "Air Guitar" to amuse my wife. (It worked. She was amused. Marriage does weird things to people.) What the song is, I cannot remember, but it must have been rockin'! As I strummed (or plucked, or picked, or whatever it is you do to a guitar) along with the song and my wife giggled, I said hey, do you know there is an air guitar competition?

"There's a contest for Everything" was her reply.

I am sure that this Competition started as a Joke; A Lark, along the lines of "Your air Guitar is so fake, Dude! You don't even move your left fingers at all!"

"Oh Yeah? well at least I put some effort into my showmanship, You just stand there, moving your fingers and staring into space like a Zombie. It's not true air guitar unless your making faces, and leaning way back, and jumping up doing the splits like Diamond Davie Lee Roth in that Van Halen video!"

"All the jumping-around-and-making-faces in the world doesn't make you a guitarist; Flava Flav jumps around making faces, He don't play no Guitar, though. He's a rapper!"

"Actually Chuck D is the rapper; I don't know What Flava Flav does... I think mostly he just jumps around makin' faces wearing that big Clock Necklace. Still, though, My Air guitar method is way better than your lame 'stand there and slightly sway back-and-forth' method."

"What 'Method'? You don't even look like you've ever even SEEN a guitar before, dude!"

"Alright, Check it out... Hey Pete! C'mere! Which one of us does the best Air Guitar to this song? Go back to Track #6.... No, number SIX..."

And pretty soon one of these dudes was calling himself the champion. And, of course, other equally opinionated rock fans soon questioned his legitimacy as champion, and a contest was held before the drunken crowd at some night-club (where Face-making and Jumping go a lot farther than accurate fretwork) Money changed hands as a result of a betting pool, and pretty soon one of these guys (Recently fired from the Dairy Queen, and short on funds) got the bright idea to become an "Event Organizer", and take a portion of everybody's bet to set up the "Championship" every other Thursday Night at Big Jake's Bar and Grill.

But alas, as with all such pursuits, We now have regional semi-finals and league certifications, and I might as well start a watch for the first Air-guitar Doping Scandal. (Gives a whole new meaning to "performance-enhancing" drugs, don't it?)

Pretty soon, eleven year olds will be pushed into the "Sport" by their over-zealous parents, whose guitar dreams never came to be, and who have Championship Dreams for their kid. These parents will hire the finest Russian coach to come to this country and put their kid through the brutal paces, building up his Air-Calluses, and perfecting his jumping-splits while wearing those Assless Leather Pants. (Which is not easy to do, by the way. Don't ask me how I know)

"This isn't a sport for Sissies, Son," I can hear the coach say. "If you can't headbang for five measly minutes without falling over dizzy, then How can you expect to get out there and go Toe-to Toe with champs like Hot-Lixx Hulahan?" (I'm not making that up, that's the actual 2006 Champ's name)

Well that's it for today's Daily Blog of the Day, Here is a parting Haiku, especially written just for you.

Which Competition
is Better than all the Rest?
Let's have a Contest.

P.S.-If you want to see more about the Air Guitar Championships, go here.
And buy me one of those Air-Guitar Trucker Hats while you're there!