I hope Everyone is having a Super Super Monday today.
It is Super Monday, of course, because it is the day between Super Sunday and Super Tuesday. And, of course, because this Monday was the last surviving Monday from the planet Krypton, and our full-spectrum sunlight enables it to perform Super-weekday feats with an array of powers such as Hangover Vision, 24-Hour Political Stump-Speech Breath, and The Power to Amass 4 million Pounds of Purple, Yellow and Green Plastic Crap to throw from floats in an attempt to see women's bare chests for 1/16th of a second.
Because tomorrow is not only Super Tuesday, it's Super "Fat Tuesday", or as the French call it, "le petit bon homme soufflé plus grand quiche deluxe ratatouille Tuesday", or something like that. I learned all the French I know by listening to old Marcel Marceau recordings, but it's been a while, so I might have misplaced an accent mark or something.
For those of you worried about the overlap of the traditional celebration of excess with the solemn proceedings of the nation's electoral process, don't worry, Louisiana's primary is not until Saturday, when, hopefully, most of the SuperFat Tuesday revelers will have remembered which congressional district they live in. (Hopefully one that smells better than the one they woke up in!)
I, for one, am in favor of just making every 4th February (the hardest month to spell) "Super February". It's Able to Leap-Year Tall Buildings in a Single Bound!
Think about it! We'd have Super Groundhog's Day, on which meteorologically psychic rodents from the planet Krypton inform us of upcoming climatological trends. And let me tell you, Super Groundhogs do an even better job of it than our regular ones. They can really see through all the bullcrap. With X-ray Groundhog Vision, they don't even have to leave their holes!
Super February would also be Super Black History Month, in which we could remember the many contributions to society of our African American Superheroes, like...
uh.. Oh, Yeah! At least one of the Green Lanterns! and... uh..this guy! Ok, on second thought maybe not.
Maybe we just do regular black history, but with an extra leap day, to study even more innovative uses for peanuts!
Super Valentines Day! If Someone gives you flowers or chocolate, you have to marry them, right then and there. First come first served, Winner Take All. (*Void where prohibited by law. Which I think is pretty much everywhere. Except for Las Vegas. And maybe some parts of Utah.)
Super President's Day! Super Ash Wednesday! Super Susan B. Anthony Day! Super Chinese New Year!
Also Spay Day, Lupercalia, Iwo Jima Day, National "Introduce a Girl To Engineering" Day, Darwin Day, National Condom Day, and some More, and More And More....
I'm ready for Springtime already.