Sunday, December 23, 2007

A Word To Holiday Travelers

Friends and Readers, please allow me this moment of freedom to sincerely express my innermost feelings at this moment:


Why do I Aargh so, you ask? Because I work at a Gas Station, and everybody in the world is traveling this weekend. And it's not just the number of travelers, it's the fact that they are dumber than sheep, and twice as stubborn. The parade of freaks has been especially varied and colorful this Christmas Weekend.

I could rant for hours here with the specifics, but I won't. I just want to ask all of you who might be out and about for the next few days (the next two weeks or so, actually) that as you visit the Gas Station, Hotel, Motel, Airport, Movie Theatre, or anywhere else where some poor service industry shlubs are being made to work through the holiday for your convenience, please remember to be nice to them. Here are some tips for being nice to "The Help":
  1. Don't try and be nice to them by talking to them about their day, or saying sympathetic things like, Gosh, it must really be Horrible working on Christmas day, huh? Really, REALLY, Horrible! This does not help.
  2. Be understanding if the employee seems to think you are dumber than a sheep. They are simply letting past experience be their guide. Chances are good that the 580 people in front of you in line were of Sub-sheep intellect.
  3. Try leaving some cash! This is especially important for hotel workers like housekeeping staff, but you might try catching somebody working at some other, usually un-tipped job, and slipping them a 5-dollar handshake for being there when you needed them. It is really amazing how much 5 dollars can mean to somebody making $6.50 an hour.
But the best thing you can do to show your appreciation for the poor suckers working the holidays is: Clean Up After Yourself! Yes, the best gift for those working the holiday is .. Less Work! Don't use 13 paper towels if 3 will do. (1 would be ideal, but unfortunately it usually takes more than that)

And For The Sake Of All That Is Good And Holy in This World... If you want to throw something away, and the garbage can is overflowing, look for another place to throw your trash! Do you really need that Mello Yello Bottle out of your car so badly that you will cram it into the last remaining inch of space in the lid of the Garbage can?

And a MAJOR PET PEEVE of mine, coming from back in the day when I rocked a Taco Bell Uniform (about 100 years ago). Whenever Possible, I avoid throwing liquids in garbage cans.

This is the NUMBER ONE thing you can do, year round, to help out the unlucky schmucks who get the privilege of taking out your trash: Don't EVER throw a cup full of liquid into a public trash can. Think about it for a second. Would you do that at home? No, of course not. You would pour the liquid (and Ice, Ice counts as a liquid; it will be one eventually) out, down a drain, and throw away the empty cup. There is usually a drain around, if you bother to look. And if not, there is probably some grass just outside.

Because if you throw that drink in a plastic garbage can liner full of drinking straws, then that liquid is going to end up, at best, all over the floor, and at worst, right down some unlucky employee's shoe. I have been that employee. I have worn that shoe. Wear a sock soaked in a mixture of Mountain Dew, tobacco spit, and coffee grounds for about seven hours sometime, while working on your feet the whole time, and let me know how you like it. Yeah, I didn't think so.

So as you share the Holiday love with friends and family this Christmas, remember the less fortunate, who are accommodating your family instead of being with their own.


becca said...

Mmmm. Bad day, huh? Must really suck to work on Christmas, huh?

Liz said...

Ah, yes... as another lowly peon, I sympathise.

This post actually reminds me of my "Basic Rules of Conduct" posts, wich can be found here: As someone wo also deals with Sewanee people, you'll probably find them especially amusing.

I actually haven't posted anoter installment in a while... perhaps I will rectify that soon...