Sunday, July 8, 2007

A Question to Not Ever Ask.

Today, boys and girls, I bring you the Dumb Question of the Day. I have been a little overworked at the ol' Pizzeria lately (OK, a lot overworked) and I am a little mad at the world (OK, a lot mad) but I heard this dumb question again today, for the third time this week, and now, I pass it on to you, so that you may know, just in case you didn't already, that it is a stupid question that should Never Be Asked. The question goes Thus:

"How many slices are in a large pizza?"

At a regular pizza restaurant, like Pizza Hut or Papa John's, the pizza is cut into wedges, reminiscent of a Trivial Pursuit Gameboard. If you take a large pizza, cut the pizza in half, then in half again, and then cut each of those quarters in half again, you have eight slices of pizza.

If you start with a Small pizza instead of a large, then you get...

THE EXACT SAME FREAKIN' THING! 8 Slices! they are just smaller slices!

At Crust, we don't cut our pizza into wedges, but into strips, so the pieces from the center are long strips, and the pieces near the edge are tiny little triangles. So in our special case, the answer to the moronic query is actually different. But the point is that people are trying to ascertain how much pizza they need to buy.

They could ask a sensible question, like
"How big is your large pizza?"
or a better question, like
"How many people will your large pizza feed?"
or a really well-thought-out question like
"How much pizza will I need to feed three hungry adults, two 4-year olds, and one 6-foot-5, 19-year old, football linebacker?",
but instead they ask
"How many slices are in your Large Pizza?",
as if if a "Slice" were a standard unit of measurement, in either the English or the Metric system. It Isn't.

I am going to start answering the stupid question with this witty retort.
"One, but we can cut it up for you if you would like."

and now, the Daily Haiku of the Day:

The Seated Diners
Ask the Waiter Something Dumb.
Their Food gets Spit in.

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