Haiku Movie Review! "Pulp Fiction" and "Epic Movie"

Today is the first edition of what I hope will be a recurring weekly Feature...

The Weekly "Haiku Movie Review" of the Week!

I recently picked up a Netflix account, and I have been trying to catch up on some of the movies that I really should have already seen by now. In order to be culturally literate in America, there are some movies you should have seen. The movies that get referenced in books, and in Magazine articles, and in Stand-up comedians' routines. ("...and then my head started spinning around just like Linda Blair!")

The one movie highest on my list was "Pulp Fiction". For the last 12 years or so, people have been referencing snippets of that movie at me and receiving my blank stare in return. "You know," they say, "like in 'Pulp Fiction'!"

Then I confess my not having seen the movie in question, and receive varying degrees of withering scorn, depending on the politeness level of my conversational partner.

So last week, for the first time ever, I saw "Pulp Fiction" and it was good! I was surprised to find that I liked it, and even more surprised to find that no one in the last decade gave away the surprise scene in the middle of the movie where Butch (Bruce Willis) and Marsellus (Ving Rhames) find themselves in an uncomfortable predicament. That's all I'm saying. As many times as I heard the line "I'm Gonna' Get Medieval...." nobody ever mentioned the context in which that line was uttered, or who it was uttered to.

---Spoiler Alert!!---
If you want to be surprised by "Pulp Fiction" and "Castaway",
Don't read the next paragraph .

And now "Pulp Fiction" joins Tom Hanks' "Castaway" on the extremely short list of "They never showed what was in the box" movies. "Castaway" suffered for the Mystery FedEx Box, but "Pulp Fiction" was crowded and Fast-paced enough that I didn't even realize, until way after the credits, that the contents of the briefcase were never revealed.

---OK, Spoiler over, Come Back now, Guys!---

So, here it is, Quentin Tarantino's groundbreaking movie, summed up in a Succinct Seventeen Syllables: (you have to not pronounce the "a" in "Chronologically" for it to work)

Much Cursing and Blood
Scrambled Chronologically ,
Set to Surf Music

The other movie I got this week was "Epic Movie" by the Infantile Intellects that brought you Scary Movies 1, 2, 3, and4 (and Soon to be 5), "Date Movie", and "Spy Hard". BUT NOT the guys who did "Not Another Teen Movie" which was hilarious.

This was not hilarious. This was humor for (and possibly by) Drunken Teenagers. I feel really sorry for Jennifer Coolidge. I really do. I m not going to waste a lot of time reviewing this movie, but they were spot-on with the details of the things they were ripping off, in the same way that "Weird Al" Yankovic can somehow sound more like Michael Jackson than Michael Jackson can; However, unlike this movie, "Weird Al" Yankovic is Funny.

I am not really being fair, because this movie was written for a younger audience, and I am just too old (29, even) to appreciate it maybe, but this is my blog, and I don't have to be fair if I don't want to. It Sucked.

These Two Filmmakers
Are Talented Copycats,
But Not Comedians.