3 more days!!

There is Frost on the Ground in Tennessee, But thoughts of Warm Sand and Saltwater Breeze are Swimming in my mind! And Thoughts of Swimming are Breezing through my mind, too!

Re: Your Brains

If The "Resident Evil" virus got hold of Bill Lumbergh from "Office Space", this is what you would get.

Are You Doing the Whole "Resolution Thing" This Year?

I tend to look, as does most of America, with a somewhat jaded eye on New Year's Resolutions.

But Resolutions can work, and you are reading proof of that right now! I started this blog (actually I started it over on MySpace) as part of a resolution to write every day. Well I haven't kept that resolution perfectly, obviously, but if I had the same level of follow-through on a resolution to, say, workout daily, or floss, then I would definitely be reaping the benefits now.

I could have written everyday in a journal, and kept it under my mattress, but then I would very likely have not kept it up, because there would be no accountability. Even back before I had readers, the fact that my writing was going out there on the intertubes was a powerful motivator to make sure that I was writing something interesting, not just my own spewing, rambling, innermost feelings. (yeah, I know.. You get that too, sometimes)

(And Thanks again, Christina, for being the only person ever to complain when I didn't post. That meant an absolute ton to me, and I hope that, even as I have fiddled with the format of the blog, you still get a laugh out of this stuff every once in a while.)

The internet can be a wonderful tool for providing accountability. and with that in mind, I have signed up for an account on Traineo.com , where I will be recording the details of my effort to regain my college weight, or at least my college waist. The button below will update as my weight changes (or at least as I record its change. I could lie, I suppose.)

Anyway, An Idea that's been around for a while, but that I specifically encountered at flylady.net and zenhabits.net, is that of forming habits methodically, over approximately 30-day periods.

So.. I am going to make 12 resolutions this year. (I don't know what they are yet, stay tuned!) And you, my friends, family, and readers, without doing anything at all (except continuing to read this blog - stay tuned!), will be helping me along!

I would love to return the favor (of not doing anything at all?), so if you want to join me in any of these resolutions (once they are announced), then just let me know. I am sure my desires for self-improvement will overlap with yours at some point. I will throw this post open to comments now; what are some areas we can focus on improving ourselves this year? What resolutions are you making?

Countdown To San Diego!

This Time Next Week I will be on the Beach!

Pretty much until then... I will be at work.

So, Not much posting happening here on the Usually Quite Daily Blog of the Almost Every Day (Except for the Days it Isn't.)

I will be travel blogging the whole experience though, so stay tuned!

A Blue Christmas!

Having A Bad Day on Christmas Stinks, For Three Reasons.

1. Anytime you have a bad day, regardless of what day it is, that stinks.
2. Anytime you have a bad day on a day that should be particularly jolly, that stinks even more.
3. When you have a Bad day on Christmas, everybody asks you "How was your Christmas?" the next time they see you, reminding you of how crappy your Christmas was. If you do not provide the expected brief-but-positive answer, then you get the chance to explain why your day stunk, further reinforcing the stinkiness of it.

So, NO, I am sorry to report, I did not have an especially good Christmas. It started well, with a chance to sleep in very late after working two very difficult four-hour shifts on Christmas Eve.

My wife got me a wallet, which I (a) wasn't expecting (b)needed, and (c) like a whole lot. I signed her up on the website 41pounds.org, which was, I thought, a great and appropriate gift for my Junk-mail hating, environmentally-conscious wife, BUT, has the problem of being entirely intangible. So, I "gave" her present to her on Christmas morning by telling her about it. I should have gotten a card, but then again... they make those out of dead trees, you know? (unlike my present, which was made out of dead cows.)

Then we hurried out the door (grabbing a pair of Pop-Tarts) to make the 90-plus mile drive to My Uncle David and Aunt Linda's house on the far side of Nashville for "Lunch". "Lunch" was suppose to happen at 2:00, with people arriving "Between 1 and 2".

The Plates, cups, forks and such didn't show up until after 3:00. We started eating at 3:30. The Potatoes and Rolls showed up about 3:45, along with my parents. I had to leave by around 4:30, in order to get my wife to her parents' place, and myself back home in time to get to work for my four-hour shift. I also had to feed our animals before going to work.

So, of the 3 and a half hours of "Family Gathering" time I had in my day, 2:45 of it was spent waiting for most of my family (and their contributions to the meal) to show up. I should say, in the interest of fairness, that the remaining 45 minutes were quite nice, with our family's first ever round of "Dirty Santa" going off without a hitch. I scored a nice Back Massager that I haven't tried yet, but it looks impressive.

I hated to jet out of there just as things were (finally) getting fun, but I knew that if I were late to work I would be leaving somebody in the lurch, at a time when holiday traffic was at its worst. I just barely made it home in time to get to work at 7, and didn't have time to feed animals. I figured they might not like it much, but they could stand to wait until 11, when I got off.

At 10:55, I got a call from the employee who was supposed to be coming in to relieve me.

"I ain't got a ride to work."

Well, how long will it take you to find one, do you think?

"No, I Ain't Got one; I don't have anybody to call."

Well, Call the Boss, He'll give you a ride! (He won't be happy about getting out of bed at 11pm on Christmas night to do it, But he'll be even less happy about having to come in and work your shift, because I'm not staying!)

His number is 555-8888, give him a call; I gotta go, I have customers in line!
*I hang up*

I work through those customers, and after 11:30 I get to the back, and find this employee's phone number. I call, my thoughts aflame with my poor hungry animals at home, who have already been made to wait 6 hours past their usual dinnertime, now having to wait another 8!

Hello?

Hi, Steverina? (Made up name to protect the insolent)

No, this is her Momma...

Is she there?

No, she just walked down the hill to her house.

Well, can I get her phone number there?

She ain't got a phone.

Well, She is supposed to be at work right now, and I am trying to find her a ride, but I need to know where to tell them to go pick her up. Do you..

Hold on.. This girl's bein' a ....mumble about her car... mumble she could use her Bronco if she would keep Gas and shit in it, and then her boyfriend come up here today and took off with it, and .. STEVERINA!! Hang on... STEVERINA!!

*Long Pause*

I'm gonna have to send my daughter down there to get her, I'll have her call you back.
*Click*

When she did call back (and she sounded like I had roused her from a sound sleep), I asked if she had found a ride, and she mumbled something to the effect of that even if she found a ride TO work, she didn't have a way to get back FROM work in the morning, and she "didn't want to get stuck there" all morning.

That made me Raise My Voice a little.

"YOU don't want to get stuck here? What about me, you think I want to get stuck here? I have to get out of here! I have other responsibilities! I will give you a ride home in the morning, and if you tell me how to get to your house, I will get you a ride here!"

"Who is it?"

Well, The Boss will probably give you a ride, or if he won't, then I can get one of the Monteagle Cops to come out there and pick y...

"I ain't GETTIN' in no COP CAR."

Well then you are gonna be explaining to the Boss why the store was closed all night!

Fine, then I will!

*I slam phone down*

The Store, of course was not closed all night. The Store doesn't close, ever, and so has no real burglar deterrents. The Lock on the front door doesn't really work very well, and besides, people need us to be open. For a few hours every morning, we are the only public bathroom for 14 miles.

I eventually told myself the thing I occasionally have to tell the violence-prone kids I occasionally work with: The only thing you have control over in this world is what YOU do. You can't stop bad things from happening to you, but YOU get to control, and are responsible for, how YOU react to those things.

So the store wasn't closed, and I worked a tough 11 hours, after a day of 5+ hours of driving, 2+ hours of waiting for lunch, and about an hour of Christmas joy.

It turns out that maybe the best present I got all day was that chance to sleep in late. It turned out to come in really handy.

Silver Lining: My whole shift tonight is now "time-and-a-half" overtime pay! Just in time for my expensive trip to San Diego to see my brother!

The Incredible Pete!

It's The Day After Christmas (Happy Boxing Day, Foreigners!), and My Buddy Pete (along with his brother, Jack) is here at the Airport, where this post is being composed. For those of you who need a refresher, Pete was featured on TDBotD back in Mid-November in This Post.

Can you guess what he's wearing?

If you guessed "A Mr. Incredible Costume" give yourself a cookie.

If you guessed "An Increasingly Frayed and Battered (and possibly smelly) Mr. Incredible costume, then give yourself bonus sprinkles.

Escaping the Endless Cycle of Self Reference.

I have found a way around the endless cycle of self reference on this blog.

What is the endless cycle of self reference, you say? Well, it is what happens when you notice what keywords people are using to find your blog, then mentioning how funny it is that someone found your blog using those words, thus using those words again, driving more traffic to your blog with those same irrelevant keywords. A look through the old posts in this blog shows them time and time again. The "Search Engine Wrong Numbers" was a great idea, but then people kept showing up from those keywords, only now they wre linking to the even more irrelevant S.E.W.N. post!

So how do I share with you fine readers a snapshot of what is bringing people to this site, without using the words themselves?

How about a snapshot? or more technically a screenshot? Google won't index my page based on pictures of words! Computers can't read pictures of words, that's why to post a comment you have to do just that to prove you are not a computer.

So, here is a list of the things that drove people seeking knowledge to my site where, in many cases they received no knowledge whatsoever. Sorry, knowledge seekers!

Looks like my top search result was for that holiday that I wish I had invented. I did elaborate on it a lot, though, and my buddy Art even linked to it in his post about Festivus. Thanks again, Art!

What was disturbing, though was the nuber of people looking up that "Fortunate" place in my hometown. I didn't even write a post about this place, just mentioned it in the comments, and three people found my site through various versions of that search. The place named was closed down for a while (on some technicalities, court case on the more serious charge is pending) by the local constabulary after a Customer, let's call him... oh, I don't know... "John", admitted to having received... well... something that you won't find in the movies Fallen, Seven, Old Yeller', Million Dollar Baby, and Pay it Forward. (hint: Rhymes with "Sappy Mending")

So, to you lonely Truckers out there who happen on this site while looking for the "Lucky Spa Monteagle TN Tennessee", please be advised, the Police are keeping an eye on that establishment, and you don't want to end up like our buddy, "John", now do you?

A Word To Holiday Travelers

Friends and Readers, please allow me this moment of freedom to sincerely express my innermost feelings at this moment:

AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrgggghh!!!!

Why do I Aargh so, you ask? Because I work at a Gas Station, and everybody in the world is traveling this weekend. And it's not just the number of travelers, it's the fact that they are dumber than sheep, and twice as stubborn. The parade of freaks has been especially varied and colorful this Christmas Weekend.

I could rant for hours here with the specifics, but I won't. I just want to ask all of you who might be out and about for the next few days (the next two weeks or so, actually) that as you visit the Gas Station, Hotel, Motel, Airport, Movie Theatre, or anywhere else where some poor service industry shlubs are being made to work through the holiday for your convenience, please remember to be nice to them. Here are some tips for being nice to "The Help":

1. Don't try and be nice to them by talking to them about their day, or saying sympathetic things like, Gosh, it must really be Horrible working on Christmas day, huh? Really, REALLY, Horrible! This does not help.
2. Be understanding if the employee seems to think you are dumber than a sheep. They are simply letting past experience be their guide. Chances are good that the 580 people in front of you in line were of Sub-sheep intellect.
3. Try leaving some cash! This is especially important for hotel workers like housekeeping staff, but you might try catching somebody working at some other, usually un-tipped job, and slipping them a 5-dollar handshake for being there when you needed them. It is really amazing how much 5 dollars can mean to somebody making $6.50 an hour.

But the best thing you can do to show your appreciation for the poor suckers working the holidays is: Clean Up After Yourself! Yes, the best gift for those working the holiday is .. Less Work! Don't use 13 paper towels if 3 will do. (1 would be ideal, but unfortunately it usually takes more than that)

And For The Sake Of All That Is Good And Holy in This World... If you want to throw something away, and the garbage can is overflowing, look for another place to throw your trash! Do you really need that Mello Yello Bottle out of your car so badly that you will cram it into the last remaining inch of space in the lid of the Garbage can?

And a MAJOR PET PEEVE of mine, coming from back in the day when I rocked a Taco Bell Uniform (about 100 years ago). Whenever Possible, I avoid throwing liquids in garbage cans.

This is the NUMBER ONE thing you can do, year round, to help out the unlucky schmucks who get the privilege of taking out your trash: Don't EVER throw a cup full of liquid into a public trash can. Think about it for a second. Would you do that at home? No, of course not. You would pour the liquid (and Ice, Ice counts as a liquid; it will be one eventually) out, down a drain, and throw away the empty cup. There is usually a drain around, if you bother to look. And if not, there is probably some grass just outside.

Because if you throw that drink in a plastic garbage can liner full of drinking straws, then that liquid is going to end up, at best, all over the floor, and at worst, right down some unlucky employee's shoe. I have been that employee. I have worn that shoe. Wear a sock soaked in a mixture of Mountain Dew, tobacco spit, and coffee grounds for about seven hours sometime, while working on your feet the whole time, and let me know how you like it. Yeah, I didn't think so.

So as you share the Holiday love with friends and family this Christmas, remember the less fortunate, who are accommodating your family instead of being with their own.

Amazingly Cool Resources, Part 4 of 5 - imeem

Amazingly Cool Resource #4: imeem

I just dicovered imeem about a week ago, and I am in love! I told you in the last installment of StumbleUpon, which lets you discover new websites by building a profile of what stuff you like, and serving up more of that kind of stuff. Well imeem is kind of like that, but for music. And video too, but I mostly use the music side of things.

I like a lot of music, but I am (as has been mentioned in other posts) a cheapskate tightwad. I don't like to pay for music, and I don't particularly like having to sneak around like a Drug Dealer looking for a place to "Score" music for free.

imeem is a great resource for anyone who works (or plays) next to a computer much of the day. If you don't want to spend much time, just log in (you do need an account), type the name of the artist that has captured your fancy lately into the searchbar (make sure you select a "music" search,as opposed to an "Everything" search), and get a list of imeem's songs by that artist (more or less). With the click of one button, you can make a playlist out of all those songs, which pops up in a streaming music player a separate window. You can look through that list, and un-check song you don't want to hear.You can minimize that window, leaving it in the background where it will play the songs you want to hear, with no interruptions, for as long as you want. Kicks Radio's Butt, Hands Down.

If you do want to spend a little more time cruising through the tunes, there is a little button (actually there are 3) up at the top Righ..no Left side of the screen, that functions just like StumbleUpon's "Stumble" button. Based on the songs you have rated previously, the "discover" button will take you to a new page, where a fresh song awaits your rating. If you like the song, you can choose to play the next "Related" song, or click the "dicover" button to get another tune.
There is a lot that can be done to improve the site's navigation, and their "help" page is kind of a joke, but the main features of the site, playlist building and music discovery, are worth a look. And of course, the system works a lot better if you have friends in your network who actively share music. Since plugging in

Amazingly Cool Resource #4½: hulu

One thing that really annoys me lately is the people who respond to my blog with "You must have too much time on your hands!" or "You need a hobby!" or some other snarky comment implying that time spent in front of my computer screen is time wasted. Anybody who can tell me how Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell are getting along nowadays, or why, in their opinion, the last "Project Runway" contestant should never have been treated like that, or what happened on the last 114 episodes of "24", doesn't have the right to tell me about wasting time online.

We make time for what we like, whether that be playing in the park with our kids, reading the New York Times every day, Building a Full Size Replica of Chewbacca out of Legos, Reading the last 70 James Patterson Novels, or organizing and maintaining our "Hubcaps of the World" Collection. One thing I spend a lot of time doing lately is blogging- Researching things, Sharing my thoughts about the world, and Trying (occasionally desperately, and mostly ineffectively) to foster a sense of interactivity and community amongst my various readers.

One thing I haven't spent ANY time on is watching TV. Not that I am holier than thou or anything, I just live in an area that is too far away from both Nashville and Chattanooga to get decent reception with bunny ears, and am too big a ... you guessed it! Too big a cheapskate tightwad to pony up for Satellite or Cable TV. (Maybe I should have called this series Amazingly Cool Resources for Cheapskate Tightwads!)

Anyway, As of a couple of days ago, I got my "Invite" to the "Private Beta" launch of Hulu.com, the upcoming joint venture from NBC and Fox, to bring "Made For the Airwaves" content to the YouTube crowd. While I haven't watched much TV for the last few years, it has not been for lack of shows I wanted to see. "Heroes", as readers of this blog could probably guess, is something I really wanted to see, and I got really sick of being in the dark as I heard America talk about "Lost", and "24" as well. The "Reality" TV, like the aforementioned Project Runway and American Idol, I could Pass on, but there is actually a lot of TV programming that I would like to catch up on.

Now that it is available to me, on demand and practically commercial free, on Hulu, my only problem is prioritizing what shows to watch first. I have one episode each of "The Simpsons" and "The Office" under my belt and only 4,000 more episodes to go. Now I can waste my time like a real American, and get the social approval I so desperately desire!

(that last sentence was intended sarcastically. Just so you know.)

Shamu. Rinse. Repeat as Necessary.

I'm Going to Sea World! In Two Weeks!

It's not cool enough that I get to go to a Beachfront Hotel in Sunny, Warm, San Diego in January, AND get to spend a couple of days hanging with my Long-Lost Brother, but it was confirmed today that activity-wise, my San Diego Weekend will include a trip to Sea World!

And The Tickets are FREE, Just Like Willy! Shamu, Here I Come!

Calling in Sick

After three (or is it four? I can't keep track anymore...) days of (mostly self-inflicted) Sleep- deprivation, I am calling in sick. I called in from work over at Crust, and now I am calling in sick from the blog as well.

A good evening's sleep will hopefully get me back on my feet.

See you soon, readers!

Amazingly Cool Resources, Part 3 of 5 - StumbleUpon

Amazingly Cool Resource #3: StumbleUpon

I have been using StumbleUpon for quite a while now. I don't know where exactly I heard about it, but If I remember who introduced me to it, then I owe them a big Kiss.

StumbleUpon, or just "SU" if you are in a hurry, is sort of a social network, but it is more a vehicle for cruising the web. When the World Wide Web was young, the time spent online was equated with time spent "Channel Surfing", on Cable or Satellite TV. "Surfing" channels was flitting from one channel to another, with no idea what was next.

But "Surfing The Web", as the activity came to be called (because "Reading the Web" just didn't seem to fit the bill), was unlike it's telvision counterpart, in that while you were flitting from one page to another, you weren't doing it randomly, just to "see what else is on". You were following a link to specific content you (hopefully) wanted to see. Outside of some themed "Web Rings" (anyone remember them?), you didn't have the option of idly "Flipping the Channel" to "see what else is on".

Until StumbleUpon.

StumbleUpon has a slightly higher bar for entry than other social networks, because it asks you to install a toolbar on your own personal computer. If you use a PC at the Public Library to check your MySpace, or your Facebook, or your Email, then StumbleUpon is going to be useless, because it only works on computers with the toolbar installed.

However if you cross that initial obstacle, then you can enjoy a personalized selection of internet goodness, specially tailored to your interests, and served up to you at literally the click of a button.

That Button is the "Stumble" Button, and a single click on it will take you to a random website listed among one of the "interests" you selected when setting up your account.There are scores, if not hundreds of topics, so your first stumble could take you to a page on anything from Parenting, to Astronomy, to Coin Collecting, to Anime, to Gardening, to Ferrets, to Christianity, to Jazz.

If you love the page you landed on, then click the little Tivo-like "Thumbs up" button next to the stumble button. SU will send you more pages like that in the future. Then you can surf from that site as you ordinarily would, and when you find yourself bored, hit the Stumble Button to "See what else is on". If you don't like the site, a thumbs-down will send you soaring off to some other site.

Stumble upon works by taking the sites you have indicated you liked, finding others who liked them, and finding what else they liked. You don't have to "Friend" them to benefit from their input into the system. But you can. If you find people whose interests line up closely with your own, then you can add them as friends, and "Stumble" through only sites that they, in particular have liked.

There are a lot of other features, but there honestly don't need to be. Their one main feature is enough to keep you informed and/or entertained (possibly even "info-tained") for as long as your body can physically stand to sit in front of a computer. Or Longer.

Amazingly Cool Resources, Part 2 of 5 - Callwave

Amazingly Cool Resource #2:Callwave

I heard a story on NPR several months ago featuring one of the personal pet peeves of one of their reporters. This reporter hated having to sit through the recorded voice which tells you that So-and-so is currently unavailable, and that to leave a message you may start speaking after the tone, and if you would like to send this person a numeric page (has any one in the history of cellphones ever left a numeric page?), then you may enter it using the keypad, and oh, yes, one more thing that I need to tell you before I let you get on with leaving your message, when you are finished leaving your message (which you would already be finished with if we weren't still instructing you), you may hang up (Ah, ah! Didn't say "Simon Says Hang Up!") or press 1 for more options.

Like you possibly need more options. The only option you want at this point is the option to make this recorded operator lady Shut Up, so you can leave your message, which is quite likely shorter than the instructions that the phone company felt you needed in order to leave it! It's Leaving a message! It's not Rocket Surgery! I can figure out how to hang up after I am finished all by myself! Geez! And you know what else? I can also dress myself and go to the potty like a big kid! (most of the time.)

So imagine my surprise when I called my brother the other day, and got A very brief message telling me that he was unavailable and to leave A message after the tone, followed immediately by the Tone! I was in shock! I was expecting Ms. Recorded Operator-Bot to read me "Voicemail For Dummies", but all of a sudden it's Message Time? Wow!

I asked if he had changed to a new cellular carrier, because I had previously been using the same Network (America's Most Reliable one, if their Ads are to be believed), and if he had changed carriers ,then I wouldn't get to use my IN™ Minutes to talk to him anymore. But No! he hadn't changed networks, just voicemail services. Apparently you can do that!

He told me he was using a service called Callwave, which not only gave his callers a gloriously brief message, but afforded him a host of other benefits as well, and told me to go check out their website. So I did, and now I will never go back. Callwave is as much a leap ahead of Standard-issue Voicemail as Voicemail itself was to the Cassette Tape Answering Machine.

Now when i get a call (or more precisely, when I miss a call), callwave takes a message for me. They store the message on their servers, where I can log on and hear it from my computer's speakers

Or, If I am on the go, I can check from my phone handset, just like with the standard issue system.

OR, if I am really on the go, or in a meeting, or at a movie, or otherwise occupied, I don't even have to raise the handset to my ear. I can READ your message. Yes, you heard me right... or rather, Read me right! Callwave's Voice recognition software creates a transcript of the call, and Text Messages it to me. (you can set the account so that you get transcripts either by Email, or TXT, or both. Useful if you get charged per-Text.)

The voice recognition software is not perfect, and leads to some funny garble in the message, especially the beginnings and endings of the call, where people tend to speak fast, and not directly into the phone. I haven't got a text message yet from this service that hasn't contained some level of garble. However, all of the transcripts that I have received have been understandable. You get the gist. As a matter of fact, the name of this Technology is "GIST"

The service is free, and not even supported by ads, although you can upgrade to a "Pro" Account if you are a power user.

I Just Discovered My Next Favorite Movie!

I owe some people an apology. I accidentally told some people that Charlize Theron was Co-Starring in "I Am Legend" alongside Will Smith. Turns out that his Co-Star was actually a German Shepherd. Sorry Charlize!

(Tuna Fans over 30 will get that last reference.)


The Reason for the Confusion was not any similarity between Rin Tin Tin and the South African Hottie, but the fact that Charlize Theron is Will Smith's Co-Star in his next upcoming movie, called Hancock. I just watched the minute and a half trailer for Hancock, and it is neither your typical Will Smith movie, nor your typical SuperHero movie.

Check it out.

HANCOCK Teaser Trailer
Uploaded by ghostrider2007

As you can see, it looks like somebody mashed-up Superman with Bad Santa. It looks a little like My Super Ex-Girlfriend, only.. you know... not Sucky. It looks hilarious, and I can't wait to see more.

Suggested Tagline: With Great Power, Comes Irresponsibility.

Finally! Five Fitness Products To Get Me In Shape!

If Necessity is the Mother of Invention, Then These Inventions are Orphans.

In my relentless pursuit of things that were conceived of, designed, manufactured, packaged and sold despite there being no actual need for them to exist, I came across this site featuring the 5 worst infomercial fitness products ever sold. I was going to scan it for a product to feature for a Finally! post, but the article is so well written and funny, that I can't improve on it. so here, in its entirety for your reading pleasure, are The 5 worst infomercial products EVER.

Amazingly Cool Resources, Part 1 of 5

I started to call this series "5 great web resources I use" but they aren't all web resources. One is a phone resource, and the other is a hybrid phone/web resource. Not all of these resources will be for everybody, but everybody should be able to benefit from at least one.

Amazingly Cool Resource #1:GOOG-411

I used this one just yesterday, and thought it would fit in with the other resources I wanted to talk about. If you are like me (and I hope for your sake you aren't!), then you enjoy the convenience of being able to grab your cellphone whereever and whenever you happen to be, and get the phone number to anyplace you want to call SIMPLY by dialing a 4, followed by a 1, and another 1.

But, if you are like me (again, sorry if you are), you also are a cheapskate tightwad who hates to fork over $1.99 to your phone company every time you do this.

Enter Goog-411, the search engine for your phone. Instead of dialing your old "Pay per call" info service, just add a "1-800-GOOG" before the "411" You will get roughly the same amount of service as you get from your current directory service (although without a human as backup), only for Free! And Franky Likes Free! It's his favorite price!

If you know the City and the name of the place you are trying to reach, and don't have too much trouble "pronounciating" words clearly, Then give it a try next time you don't have a phone book on hand.

Tune in next time, blogfans, for Amazingly Cool Resource #2 - Callwave!

Batman's Nemesis.. Steve?

If you want to watch the "The Dark Knight" trailer, It is up. Here. A big "Thank You" to Superhero Hype, for the tipoff.

I watched a crappy bootleg version of the trailer a few days ago, and thought "I don't really like the Joker", but figured maybe, somehow, it was the fault of the low quality handheld recording. It wasn't. I think maybe I just Don't Really Like The Joker.

I have devoted a lot (and I mean a lot) of time and attention to the Joker's upcoming film treatment, and I have to say, my questions have still not been answered. And what's worse is that I have been assured that my questions will not be answered!

Several different online interviews have made clear that the origin of the Joker will not be addressed in this movie. Which leads me to say. HUH!? If you are not going to address The origin of the Joker... Then why put "The Joker" in your movie at all? Why not just have a guy named Steve? I mean "Steve" could just as easily rob banks and kill people with knives and explosives and stuff, and he would save money on makeup and purple trenchcoats. This guy is not Steve. He's the JOKER! and something, somewhere, somehow, turned him INTO the Joker. Batman's origin story made a terrific movie, and his beginning was so important to the movie that they called it "Batman Begins"! But the Joker doesn't get to begin? He Just Is? He has Green(-ish) hair! He wears crazy clown stuff! Why? He has horrible facial scars! From Where? The Public Has A Right To Know!

I have heard wonderful raves about Heath Ledger's performance, and I have no doubt that he will be able to portray the Clown Prince of Crime in a way that will make his character (painfully) clear, but Origin stories, when dealing with superheroes or villains, are the Best stories. They are necessary stories.

In the Comic books, at least in my comic books, the origin story is encapsulated in a couple of sentences right at the beginning of every single issue! Because you have to know why you are seeing this guy flying around in a jetpack, or swinging on webs, or picking up trucks and throwing them at people. You need a reason for your characters.

I know that the Joker, while the most visible by a long shot, is not the only baddie in this movie, and I only hope that the omission of his origin is to make room for the even more awesome origin story of my favorite villain, Harvey "Two Face" Dent.

So Mr. Nolan, I'm gonna give you a pass (for now) on this Joker thing, but if you screw up Two-Face... It. Is. ON!

Snow in Tennessee.

SNOW! - WooHoo!

Rising Waters

Monteagle's Water Distribution "Situation" is easing somewhat...

This is a picture taken of the Laurel Lake Reservoir on November 26th, Just a couple of days after the "Hillbilly Hosepipe" was completed.

This is a picture of the same spot from just just over two weeks later, on December 13.





Here's another pair.
Before...

...and after. (sorry it's blurry)

Flickr-y Goodness!

Hey, readers!

I finally posted my pictures of the 1.21 Gigawatt Thanksmas Illumination, and they're not very good, but They are up on my Flickr account tagged as "gigawatt". Clicky the linky for slideshowy goodness.

But wait! There's more! While I was uploading stuff, I created a group! It is called "The Daily Flickr Group of the Day", and if you go join, then you can submit your own pictures of stuff that you think would be of interest to me, and of course, the Intellectual Elite that read this fine blog. Then we can all leave little comments all over your picture and tell you how awesome you are for posting such amazing awesomeness! Doesn't that sound like something cool? Yeah, I thought so. Once I figure out how to use it, I will post more, but consider this your first "Heads-up".

The Interesting Daily Item of the Week (or, "IDIot W".)

One of these days, I am gonna quit monkeying with my blog. But that day is not today.

Once a week, I do an "Update" of my blog's main page, adding a new poll, and updating the taglines, and as of the last two weeks, going to Amazon.com, and picking a Featured Item to recommend (in a blatant attempt to profit from selling you stuff)

I have been doing this on Thursday, because It was the first day I had a morning off. Well, now I have far less time off, and Thursday is the worst day of all. I am hoping to make Monday the new Thursday, but we will see....

Anyway, this week's update is done, and the Interesting Daily Item of the Week (IDIot W, pronounced "Idiot Dubya") is David B. Coe's Rules Of Ascension, the first book of the "Winds of the Forelands" Series. I just received "The Sorcerer's Plague" in the mail a couple of days ago, and I am almost done with it. "Plague" is the first book in the "Blood of the Southlands" Trilogy, and the 6th book set in the world of the Eandi and Qirsi.

In looking around on the Amazon site, I was reminded of David B. Coe's Blog(s), and popped over to visit. His Wordpress blog is here, if you are interested, and his official site is here. (And if you are reading this, David, then Hi! Welcome to the Daily Blog of the Day! Stick around and read a while!)

I started Reading Coe's work with his first book, "The Children of Amarid", because I met him at a birthday party in Sewanee. (Did I not mention he lives in Sewanee?) I may have picked up his first book because he was a local, but I picked up the next 8 because he's a Dang Fine Author, and in fact, he's getting better with every new series. Unless you hate to read (and you are reading this, so you can't hate it that badly), or hate Fantasy Fiction (which is possible, if you also hate puppies, apple pie, and America!), then you will quite likely enjoy getting lost in the world that Coe has created.

Assorted Miscellany

• Becca's arm seems to finally be getting better, but no thanks to the meds she was prescribed. All THEY did was give her a rash, which made of think her condition was getting *worse*, not better. Her immune system seems to be starting to cope with the situation, though.

• I have upped my schedule at the gas station, & gone from 2 part-time jobs, to 1 full-time job AND 1 waiting tables part-time. This is the first week of that, and I just realized that it means that I now work 7 days/wk, and BOTH jobs on Thurs.

• I got some pictures (finally) of my town's 1.21 Gigawatt Thanksmas Illumination, but they probably look like crap, because my phone-cam just isn't up to snuff when it comes to taking pictures in the dark. I will (hopefully) post them to flickr on Thursday. One is all I can post by phone.

A Huge Mistake!

I Think Someone Made A Huge Mistake on this sign....
This Photo was submitted by "PotterLady", who mentioned that she would be shopping for a Laurie, a Grant, and a Jackman. (Not a Hefner, though.)

I think someone should rip the final "H" off, and make it a Hug Sale!

Super Movie News

When The "Rabbit Hole" Goes Too Deep...

Had you noticed it has been a while since I updated anyone on the whole "The Dark Knight" Viral-Marketing thread? There is a reason for that. The Last time I posted, I gave a link to a page that had all the latest updates on the Dark Kight ARG.

"The what?" you say?

The ARG. Alternate- Reality Game. This is apparently a genre of "Advertainment" which has its own subculture, of which I was, I am rather proud to say, unaware. ARG's have been used to market products from Mountain Dew to "Halo 3", and they use the internet, as well as phone systems and some live events to create a kind of hybrid real-world/fictional game world interface for the fans/players/followers/cult members who are playing. The kick-off event/location for one of these games is termed "The Rabbit Hole", for reasons that should be obvious.

Well after the "Whysoserious" ARG strung me along for a while, "The Game" went into full-on immersion mode with a string of websites all leading to others, and to new puzzles, and phone "hotlines" and dead ends, and... I had to crawl back up out of the "Rabbit Hole" for some air! I guess I have to turn in my Fanboy Membership Card, because I just don't have a week of my life to devote to winning tickets to see a movie preview. For those who want the full skinny on what happened, you can check out the after-the-fact details of the game at batman.wikibruce.com.

I could have gone and seen the Awesome Batman Prologue yesterday, but I saw The Golden Compass instead. What did I think?

It was a "Bronze" Compass at best...

The thing that was most disappointing about this movie was knowing how good it should have been. I really enjoyed the book, and was very excited to hear about the upcoming movie. And when it came, the Casting was Perfect. The Visual Effects were Perfect. The Acting was Great..

But the Script was TERRIBLE!!

I hated this movie exactly as much, and for the exact same reasons that I hated the last two "Harry Potter" movies. As a matter of fact, one of the great things about keeping a blog is that I can go back and recall precisely what I had to say bout the "Potter" movie at the time. And I quote..

I thought the Movie could be better called Harry Potter and the Basic Outline of the Phoenix, or Harry Potter and the High-speed Montage of Doom, Or maybe Harry Potter and the Cliff's Note's™ of Destiny. The difference between the story contained in the Book and the story contained in the Film is like the difference between "Visiting The Grand Canyon" and "Visiting someone's home for a slideshow of their trip to the Grand Canyon".
The fact of the matter is this; it's impossible to make a single, good, movie out of any of the later Harry Potter Books. They are too long and complicated to compress into a movie that the Masses of Moviegoers could be expected to sit through.

The same thing applies here (The Book is 432 pages, and it is the Shortest one in the Trilogy), except that unlike "Potter", this film didn't even follow the basic outline! Toward the end, they start changing plot points around willy-nilly, transposing the order in which things happen, moving characters to different locations, and most insanely of all, re-writing a "Happy Ending" for the film. The Book had a dark ending. The Book does not leave you on a happy note. The Book does not try to make you feel good. But it does make you want, desperately, to read the next book, to see how things turn out. It is as if the director and/or studio don't WANT to make the next two movies of the trilogy, which, the more I think about it, is probably just as well.

It was a Good Movie, But I liked the Video Game Better.

I never wanted to see the "Transformers" movie. (see above, Re: Fanboy Card, Revocation of) I played with some of the toys when I was a kid, but I never watched the cartoon, or read the comics, and when the movie was announced, and I saw a yellow sportscar (which should have been a classic VW Bug, amyway) somehow turn into a 70-foot tall robot, defying all the currently available laws of physics, I figured I would pass. Another Michael-Bay directed explosion-fest just didn't seem like my cup of tea.
But then one day, in the TV department at Sears, I saw a preview that made me change my mind about the cinematic Transformers. But it wasn't an ad for the movie; It was an ad for the videogame based on the movie. The movement of these Computer-animated robots/vehicles as they transformed was poetry in motion. Unlike the cartoon, in which the transformations took place in a couple of sound-effect-enhanced seconds, the movie 'Bots were transforming at speed, in graceful, athletic, spinning motions, and the whole thing made me want to see the movie after all.

I say all that to say this. The Iron Man Videogame Preview is out now, and it looks as impressive as The Transformers ad I saw months ago in that Sears store. It makes me even more hopeful that the Iron Man movie will be a winner.

Could I Get Some Milder Peanuts, Please?

Well, the Deal is sealed, I am headed for San Diego - The Other City of Brotherly Love!

I spent an hour on Saturday, using the free Wi-Fi at University Pizza and Deli on the UT-Chattanooga Campus (I reccomend their Lasagna, it's delish!) finalizing my travel plans for my big trip to visit my exiled brother out on the Left Coast.

At the "Passenger Info" stage in the confirmation process, I was presented with this screen. I had seen this screen before, but now it had a new option. A welcome option for anybody raised in my house...
That's Right... "Bland" food is now an option for the Flavor-phobic! If you hate any food spicier than white bread, it is now safe to fly! I find a great deal of humor in the fact that just basically being a picky eater is lumped in with religious restrictions and serious diseases like Diabetes.

(and Yes, for those of you who didn't know, my Real first name is Thomas. I could tell you my middle name too, But then I would Have to Kill You.)

I will be flying out on the Friday, the 4th of January, and returning on Sunday the 6th. This will be the first time I will go through Airport Security since having 8,000 dollars worth of surgical steel inserted into my left arm back in March. I hope they will still let me take my arm as a "Carry-on" item.

I will be staying at the Bahia Resort Hotel on Mission Beach for the 2 nights I am there. This Hotel has its own private beach and marina, complete with a "seal pond" which houses a pair of live harbor seals! Overkill a little? yeah, but this is my combined Christmas AND 30th birthday present, so I am going to live it up while I am out there. Actually the reviews I read were mixed, with guests either loving it or hating it, depending on where their room was. If my room turns out to be sub-par (not that I expect it), I can always stay at My Bro's Apartment. (As he has practically insisted!)

Anyway, the total cost for this trip clocks in at right around 600 bucks, after Taxes, Title, Dock Fees, Fuel Fees, Service Charges, Surcharges, Upcharges, and Flat-out Bribes have all been factored in. That's a lot of money for a Gas Station Clerk, so if you were going to get me anything for Christmas (or my 30th Birthday), then help me do this. If you use that little "Donate" Button over on the left side of my page, then I will send you a beautiful, High Gloss, Autographed Photo of Me, Suitable for Framing! Imagine how impressed your friends (if you have any) will be when you show them your autographed picture of the most famous Left-Handed, Red-Headed, Blogger named Frank Gibson in the World! Just make sure you include your address, and how you would like the inscription to read.

Playing Catchup

OK, I haven't posted for awhile, because I've been spending a lot of time on... that, thing.. What's it called? That thing where you are not sitting at a computer? Oh! Yeah!

REAL LIFE. Yeah, that's it!

Yeah.. So spending time on real life really eats into the old "Virtual" life of the blogger. I had a little Wi-Fi-Enabled time at lunch on Saturday, but I spent it getting airline tickets and hotel reservations for my Big San Diego Adventure.

Other than that brief window, the weekend was just too busy to get any serious bloggetry done. I spent 48 hours away from the interweb, and just spent 2 hours clearing out my various in-boxes. My sincerest apologies to my cult-like band of devoted followers (if you, in fact, exist) for not posting enough. And my apologies to the rest of you for the deluge of posts that I am about to create in an effort to catch up.

Speaking of Ketchup, What's the deal with this? I walked into the Ol' Workplace the other day and spotted this Heinz "Mini-Me" Ketchup Bottle sitting on the counter. We do not sell these at the store, and none of the employees that I spoke to knew where it came from. It struck me immediately as:

1. ridiculous
2. impractical
3. totally unnecessary
4. awfully freakin' cute!

I photographed it, thinking to include it in my Finally! series of supposedly-convenient items, but I am not quite sure it qualifies, as it never claims to be useful.

So, instead, I used it to make a corny pun. So sue me!

Incidentally, this little glass bottle holds exactly the amount of Ketchup you threw away with your last bottle of ketchup, bacause you couldn't extract it from the container.

1-der Twins!

Took a day off from the ol' Blog yesterday to go to a birthday party for my niece and nephew, Zach and Zoe, pictured above sitting in their parents' laps.
They are both one year old now, yet Zoe weighs in at more than double her twin brother. (It's hard not to refer to him as her "little" brother.)
Cake was consumed, presents were opened, little second-cousins got to shoot toy guns at one another, and aside from my sister Anna being very, painfully, "under the weather", a good time was had by all. Get better, little sister! Your entire army of young'uns is depending on you!

Sleepy... So Sleepy....

Christmas parade was today.

Bad news: Fog and drizzle all day long.

Good news: a comfortable 60-something degrees.

Bad news: Hot chocolate is a lot easier to sell when it is cold.

BAH! Humbug!!
I wasted 2 hours of my life today setting up a concession stand to sell hot cocoa. I stood outside, sweating in the 64 degree, 100% humidity weather, and tried to sell a hot drink to people at a parade that lasted about 2 minutes. (i sold 0 cups, making 0 dollars, and netting a whopping negative $4 , not counting the two hours of my life spent sweating and inventing curse words.

There were about 4 floats, 8 or more emergency service vehicles (with sirens blaring, of course), one of the scariest clowns I have ever seen, and 9 Harley-Davidson riders sporting the names of the "8 Tiny Reindeer"(+Rudolph, of course) followed by a "Santa" rider.

I will try to have pictures of both parade and the amazing 1.21 gigawatt holiday display tomorrow, but I am not going to promise. I feel like a sack of dirt. A tired sack of dirt. I am going to go to bed now, and try to sleep until I am eligible for Social Security. Somebody wake me then.

My Town's 1.21 Gigawatt Christmas

Today was the last day for the City Employees to get the last of the tacky overkill festive decorations up before tomorrow's (now appropriately held in December) Christmas Parade. I have never been out to see the Christmas Parade in the 4 (is it 4 already?) years I have lived up here, but I have heard it from my house, because it is just as LOUD as the Independence Day Parade.

Anyway, the lights (some of which can be seen dangling out of the truck's "bucket" in the above picture), are all up as of this post, and I should be able to get some pictures to prove just how bad it is by tomorrow. I will be at the parade tomorrow, and the boss (My lovely wife) tells me that I will be in charge of selling hot chocolate while she helps wrangle children and livestock (yes, I said livestock) who are in the parade. I'm glad the boss gave me the easy job.

Weekly Update of the Week

Hey Readers, It's Thursday Today, and That is when we update the Poll, and the Various Headings over on the Site. If you are reading this in your Email inbox (as all the cool kids are doing nowadays), then why not click over to the site and poke around at the various goodies scattered around the place.

The Daily Item of the Week This Week is The Princess Bride: Dread Pirate Edition on DVD.
(Hey, I just realized... I managed to add both Pirate and Ninja related material to my site today.)

The Princess Bride is one of My Favorite Movies, and has been mentioned in several different posts on this blog. I own it on VHS Cassette, and my copy is still in pretty good shape, but my VCR isn't, and one of these days I am going to have to replace my tape with a DVD version, of which there are FIVE. The Original, the Special Edition, the Dread Pirate and Buttercup Editions, and the even more recent 20th Anniversary Edition.

I poked around this morning through customer reviews and comments to find that the Dread Pirate/Buttercup Version is widely regarded as the one with the most awesome "Special Features" lineup. (These two "versions" differ only in packaging, sporting a masculine or feminine cover depending on your preference. If you like pink, then go ahead and get the Buttercup Edition. Just use the above link to do it, please.)

The "20th Anniversary" edition has an awesome cover, but apparently not much new behind it. Which is a shame, because the cover is really awesome.

A billion "Thank You"s to whoever used my new link when they bought a $50 book this week. You literally made me Shout with Joy when I fired up my Stats Page this morning. Give me about 1000 more readers like you, and I may be able to quit one of my two other jobs!

If You Saw a Guy Dressed as a Ninja Yesterday...

...Then that guy was not a ninja.

If you didn't see a guy dressed as a ninja yesterday, then that guy was a ninja, and it's a good thing he wasn't after you. If he had been after you, you would be dead now. After all, you didn't see him coming, now did you?

Some of you readers may have been under the assumption that I let "The Day of the Ninja" pass by uncelebrated on this blog. On the contrary, I featured a special Guest Blogger yesterday. In a The Daily Blog of the Day Exclusive, yesterday's post was written by an actual ninja, about the secret lives of ninja. (<--That's plural "ninja", not singular "ninja". They can be hard to tell apart.)
Unfortunately, ninja are very good at being undetected and leaving no trace behind, and so most of my readers probably didn't notice the post. I didn't notice it myself until I received a note from the ninja, informing me that "The Deal was Done."

The note was written on the shaft of a black arrow vibrating in the doorjamb about three inches from the left side of my head. I pulled out my wallet to try to ask him how he wanted to be paid, but then I realized he had already taken my wallet. Man, he's good!

Anyway, I went back and looked, and sure enough, there was his post on The Secret of the Ninja. Let me know what you think.

Also check out The Onion's coverage of the Ninja Parade.

The Secret of the Ninja

Can you read this? No? Good. Look at the title: it's a secret, Dummy! you think I am just going to publish it on the web for just anyone to read? Honestly, why bother having a secret in the first place....
Hello, I am a ninja. No, I am not that guy from the podcast. That guy is a sellout hack; Besides, he's only half ninja, on his mother's side. His Dad is actually a Samurai. Not that I have anything against Samurai. I've got friends who are Samurai. Plenty of them! But we don't go around kidding ourselves that they are ninja. What vehicle do we get named after us? The fastest Motorcycle in the world! What do they get? the Suzuki Samurai, the little four cylinder jeep that rolls over and kills people. Not that I have anything against killing people. I just don't like to do it in fiery auto crashes. That one time was an exception to the rule. Anyway... I didn't write this to tell you about Samurai. I wrote it to make a quick 50 bucks. (Although I am thinking of asking for payment in Euros from now on.) By The Way, Frank - I put your wallet in the wall safe, behind the picture of the penguins. In the box that your family (and the FBI) don't know anything about. It's in between the bank bag and the microfilm. I would hate for anything to happen to your wallet, you know, so I put it there for safe keeping. I am sure we will stay in touch. So, what are the secrets of the ninja? Well, of course, I can't tell you any of the big ones, or I would have to kill you. And I can't be bothered to kill all 12 of you. (or are you up to almost 20 now, Frank?) To be perfectly blunt, some of you are not really worth making the trip to kill. So, what secrets of the ninja can I divulge? Well, I had a Teddy Bear growing up, and his name was Piddles. There! That is a Secret, from a Bona Fide Ninja, and with that, my contractual obligation is done. Signed, A Ninja.

Honestly, Some People!!

This is the garbage collection point in my area. It makes you just want to sigh...

Yep that is ALL non-cardboard. Plastic, Styrofoam, and Trash. Way to go, people.

Finally! A Handle For My Pop-Tart!

We here at The Daily Blog of The Day like to bring to your attention the latest inventions that somebody, somewhere, thought were worth developing into a product. The "Easy-Grip" Coke bottle was the first to be featured in this space.

But there are so many more items out there that are theoretically helpful in some way, that today we are announcing a recurring feature we are calling... FINALLY!

Our 1st, or 2nd, or (If you count the "Corkpops" system) possibly 3rd, featured item of note is the Pop-Tart "Freezer Pop Maker". If you are anything like me, then you love the taste and nutrition of Pop-Tarts, but often wish that they were convenient and/or portable. Especially when frozen.

Well worry no more! Now, for only a few Proofs of Purchase (+$S&H), you can have a blue plastic stick, scientifically engineered for optimum frozen tart holdage, that you will undoubtedly treasure for years to come. Melting Pop-Tart Mess will be a thing of the past, with this terrific new device!

This Is Not Technically Political

OK, I don't do politics on this blog, but Every once in a while I hear something that makes me want to punch my radio. Today, I heard one of those things, and I had to share it.

Besides, Technically... badmouthing the White House's Current Occupant is not even really "political" because the country is so strongly united against him. Whether you are a conservative, a liberal, a progressive, regressive, transgressive, socialist, communist, or fundamentalist, we all pretty much agree that this President is no real prize. He Is a "uniter", just not the way that he had probably hoped to be.

I tried to find a video clip of the exact line that made me nearly chuck a 30-dollar radio across my house, but I couldn't find one quickly and I've got a Scrabble Game to get to. So I will have to make due with the transcript, and let your imaginations fill in the mildly retarded, yet somehow still condescending, tone of voice:(for context, I need to mention - he was addressing the release of a report about just how non-dangerous Iran is.)

BUSH (speaking very slowly, as if teaching a kindergarten student how to tie her shoes): Look... Iran was dangerous... Iran is dangerous... and Iran will be dangerous if they have the knowledge necessary to make a nuclear weapon.


Except we all know... he didn't say nuclear, now did he. He said Nukyular. and he said it slowly and deliberately. You could almost hear him punctating the sentence by aggressively jabbing his index finger at the offending reporters who dared to mislead the American people into thinking their President was a moron.

Here, I'll give it to you once more, with the jabs worked in:

BUSH (speaking very slowly, as if teaching a kindergarten student how to tie her shoes): Look... Iran was [jab]dangerous... Iran is [jab]dangerous... and Iran will be dangerous if they have the knowledge[jab] necessary to make[jab] a Nyukkyular[jab]weapon.[jab][smirk].

After this line, the two tall "jocks" behind him (from every high school movie you've ever seen) started patting him on the back and saying "Yeah, G.W! You showed that Loser-face who's boss!" and taunting poor David Gregory with jeers like "Yeah, Loser!", and "Hey, let's get out of here, before we catch Loser-itis!"

Seriously, it would probably be an upgrade for our nation if we could get "Biff" from Back To The Future to run the country for a little while.

So Mr Bush - Before you DARE to speak to your nation like that again, learn how to say "nuclear". Otherwise, I got nothin' to say to you, pal.

Checking ID's - Part 1

I have to check ID's at both of my jobs. For beer at Crust, and for beer and tobacco at the convenience store. One thing that I have noticed is that a lot of the Tennessee ID's that I am shown are not Driver's Licenses, which are laid out horizontally, in "landscape mode", but vertically, in "portrait mode". These ID's are either Gun Carry Permits, or DUI offender ID's, which are not valid for vehicular operation. {I think that Learner's Permits may also be laid out this way, but very few people try to buy smokes or booze with a Learner's Permit for some reason.}
It's a sad and scary reminder of how many people around me are "Packing", or Drunk, or most frighteningly of all, possibly both.

The kid that was wearing the shirt pictured above had a "DUI" ID. He was only 21 years old, and the ID didn't look new, either.

And, call me a square, but I don't even get the joke on the shirt.

Reader Responses and Wrong Numbers

Well, I have had plenty of responses from readers, Most of which have been in response to my short, pithy question about eating half an apple. I just tacked that thought onto the end of my ramblings about Google and my new text editor, and didn't expect all the response.

The Intended-as-Rhetorical Question was this: "If An Apple A Day keeps the Doctor away, Then what happens if you just  eat half an apple?" I then answered my own question, but you, good readers, had even better answers.

First, "Pottery Lady" informed me that half an apple a day would lead to half as much doctor time. She also reminded me that I don't know my right from my left.

Then Liz answered, probably all hopped up on Red Bull, because she gave a wordy and random answer worthy of admiration. I had to look up who in the world Goran Mxyzptlk was though, and it turns out he's the hunky guy over on the left. (see above paragraph re:right/left)

My Dad also chimed in, although via e-mail, and I had to share it. He informed me that an apple a day will keep just about anybody away, as long as you throw it right!

He also thought my newfound use of Strikeout (or in CSS, "line-through") reminded him of Kevin Nealon's "Mr. Subliminal" character. He may have a point there (totally wrong), because I have often thought that myself. (full of crap) Not that I can hold a candle to the writers over at SNL (hacks), but, then again, I do this in my spare time (send cash), so you get what you pay for. (lots of cash)

Before I leave you and go to sleep, I have a few Search Engine Wrong Numbers to relay.

It has been quite a while since I have had any good ones, but I got a few now. One person looked on Ask.com (in which you are encouraged to actually type in a question, rather than just keywords or search terms) for "Where can I buy Corkpops?" This person was probably not impressed with my ranking of the corkpops pressurized cork removal device as one of the lamest products ever, and a thing you should never buy.

And file this one under "Should have seen this coming": Just a day after putting up a post entitled (rather misleadingly) "If You Have Syphilis", a Seeker of Knowledge found my site by looking up "How to know if you have syphilis". And that, genteel readers is, I Promise, the last time you will see reference to that particular venereal disease on this blog. Scout's Honor. There are other blogs out there that can write about VD every day for all I care, but after typing the word twenty times, in every conceivable spelling, I feel like I need to go take a scalding shower for about Forty minutes. And I can't because we're still in a Drought.

See you round Blogophiles, and remember: Only You Can Prevent Talking Bears Stealing Hats From Park Rangers.

The Evel "Head"

No, that's not a Typo, I mean Evel, as in K(e)nievel.
The All-american Daredevil Has been often impersonated, but never duplicated.

Mr Knievel met the end of his life a few days ago. (considering his career, he died about 20-30 years later than expected)

I am a little too young to have fully appreciated his career (Although I remember appreciating his parody, SuperDave Osborn), so I will leave the eulogizing to others, but I have a rather odd connection with the now-deceased stuntman through my workplace.

The Pizza Restaurant where I work, called simply "Crust" is owned by some guys who are just the right age to have been deeply in awe of Evel Knievel growing up. As an indication of the generation these guys are from, the decor in the restaurant features not only Evel Knievel, but Electra-Woman and Dynagirl, Sigmund and the Seamonsters, and pretty much the entire line of Sid and Marty Croft TV classics. The Crust menu features specialty pizzas named The "Sigmund", the "Mighty Isis", the "Sleestak" and "Gigantor", and sandwiches called the"Dick Dastardly" and the "Enik".

Of course these are nonsense words to most of our clientèle, who are either too young, too old, or possibly just too classy to know these references, but I think that is what makes the references special. If you got out of bed on Saturday in 1975 just to watch these shows, then you get it. Heck, they were still either re-running or re-making "The Land of the Lost" when I was a kid! (a little of both, I think. They tried another remake in 2001, after seeing how the Power rangers were stealing their "Cheapo-TV" format, but it didn't do so hot.)

One of the coolest bits of decor is also one of the most hidden. Inside the Mens' room. Click the picture of Evel to be taken inside.

Do You Like To Buy Things?

Well, If you do, then Amazon.com is a great place to buy them from. Ordering stuff from them is cheap, and convenient, and if you live, like me, far away from pretty much everything, then it can be really good for the environment, too, because the goods effectively "carpool" in the big delivery van. (Just hope your package isn't Dagwood Bumstead, who is always late for the carpool.)

Anyway... if you are going to buy some stuff in the near future (and at this time of year I can't imagine why you would), and if you decide to buy it from Amazon (Who really are quite inexpensive and convenient, did I mention that?), then please use This Link to start your shopping. Then a portion of the proceeds from your purchase(s) will be donated to the left-handed, red-headed blog author of your choice. As long as he is the author of this blog. It is a very worthy cause, that I am very personally involved with.

I currently have the first installment of David B. Coe's "Blood of the Southlands" series on pre-order from Amazon. I think it will be pretty good. But don't take MY word for it...

Take Lavar Burton's!

Actually... Do take my word for it! Because I will be putting a new item up over in the sidebar, which I am calling "The Daily Item of the ...Week." Each week, when I update the Poll, the Tagline, and the "About Me", I will be adding a new recommended item that I am giving the soon-to-be-coveted, Daily Blog of the Day "Seal of Approval" Seal. (Yes, yes, I know, I know... It's redundant and repetitive, it is.)

The first such item is already up. Want to know what it is? Well I'm not gonna tell you; you can darn well go look!

Also, do you know of a product that I should recommend? Send me an e-mail if there is a product you would like to see shamelessly plugged fairly and honestly reviewed in this space.

New And Improved!

My post on Drought's Silver Lining has been updated with photos and TDBotD's First ever interactive map! I am not sure which version will be showing up in Feed Readers and inboxes, but if you don't see pictures and maps and bells and whistles, then make sure you "click through" to the original post. This is quite likely the most involved piece of bloggetry I have yet attempted, and it would be a shame to have worked so hard on it to have everyone only get the preliminary version.

Supersecret "easter egg" - If you click the words "drought related photos" in the aforementioned post, you will be taken to my flickr account page with those photos. No big surprise there. but if you click the photo above those words, then you will be linked to a slideshow of those same pictures. But that's a super-secret trick, so don't tell anyone, OK?

Together We Can Prevent Doldrums!

As of the End of November, my traffic counter looked like this:
We Did it! Together You and I kicked the November Doldrums Right in the 'Nads!

Forget what I said before... I wasn't myself; I was upset, and I wasn't thinking clearly.

We are obviously an unstoppable Doldrum-smashing machine! Together, with me Writing, and you Reading, well... Gee, kid, I reckon there ain't much we can't do in this here world!

I once again want to say a heartfelt "Thank You" to all my readers. In Knoxville, Atlanta, Vancouver, Goodlettsville, Winchester, San Diego, College Grove, Dallas, Germany, Ecuador, and Beyond (even a few folks stuck here in Monteagle and Sewanee with me!)

Thanks for reading, Thanks for subscribing, and Thanks for your input and feedback. This site doesn't work without you. Heck, sometimes it doesn't work with you either, but without you, it doesn't have a chance.

Drought's Silver Lining

Your town might be full of rednecks if...

My Wonderful City, which has been getting a lot of national press for being drought-stricken, has been in panic mode to get the ample supply of water from our untapped lakes into our "tapped out" municipal reservoir. The resulting blight on the landscape is one of the mostest hillbilly-est sights I ever did see. Our town's water supply is being partially provided by what's essentially a great big "hosepipe" running across a cowfield.

Above ground, it is vulnerable to everything from a deep freeze to a cow tripping over it. (I've never seen a cow trip over something, but I hope to before I die.) I hope that there are long term plans to dig a trench of some sort, or perhaps re-route the line into some existing pipework, or something, but then again, if our city made long term plans, we wouldn't be in a severe water crisis at all!

Here is a map I made showing the route the new emergency water lines are taking. You will have to hit the "zoom in" button about four or five times to see anything.

View Larger Map

Monteagle's New "Hillbilly Hosepipe".

[Click to see my drought related pictures on Flickr.]

The City Workers were so busy laying our new pipe, that they hadn't had time to put up our city's perennial Hideous Thanksmas Decorations. The Hillbilly Hosepipe has kept The Hillbilly Illuminated Lawn Art from being put up on schedule. "On Schedule" in this case, being of course, Mid-November. Because of this terrible delay, the Christmas Parade has been pushed back until December! Oh, The Humanity!! Say it ain't so!! We have to wait until the first weekend of December to have our Christmas Parade? Christmas will already be practically over by then!

If you hadn't noticed I am not a huge fan of Monteagle's Civic Lawn Art, so I am chalking this up as the silver lining to the dark cloud of drought. Or lack of dark clouds of drought, as it were. It's the silver lining that would be on the clouds if we had clouds.... er...

You know what I mean!

If You Have Syphilis...

...Then You Probably Can't Spell It.

(How's that for an attention grabbing headline?)

In preparing my post entitled If You Liked "Sifl and Olly", I used My handy-dandy research assistant, The Firefox Google Searchbar, to check on the spelling of "Olly". I didn't know if it ended with "ie" or with "y". I figured that typing in "Sifl" would cause the searchbar's "auto-complete" feature to give me the correct spelling of his companion's name. I was wrong. In addition to giving me all the most likely spellings of "Olly", it also gave me these three, Non-Sock-Puppet-Related results:
At least three people wanted to know if they had "kuntracted siflus" from their latest "hookup" down at the Wildhorse.

To be fair, only two of these searches were totally mispelled, as "sifilis" is the Spanish spelling of the disease. Latinos looking for info were spelling it right.

For a while I just sat laughing, picturing the (almost certainly mullet-sporting) seeker of this information on his "dredded sextual dizeez" using the computer at the public library to find out if that might be the explanation for his new sore. It's mean, I know, but that's what I did.

Then I realized that I, winner of Doyle Elementary School's 6th grade spelling Bee (and 2nd place in the district-wide championship), didn't know how you did spell "Syphilis". I knew it wasn't "siflus", but I couldn't quite tell for sure how it was spelled. Again, I used Mr. Searchbar, and after typing the first three letters, this was what I got:The one listed third from the bottom fooled me. I was stupid enough to link through, but when I realized that the wikipedia entry was not one of the top search results, I realized that neither one of the top two results were correctly spelled. If I understand this Auto-complete feature, it is based on popularity. Which means that more people are searching for "syphillous" than "syphilis". Of course people who don't know how to spell a search term are likely to use and trust Google's "suggestion", making it a self-perpetuating cycle. Because it is the number one search result, more people will click it, keeping it at #1.

And the valuable lesson learned is this:

Google is used by people to find out about stuff. This means that the people typing in the search terms don't know about the stuff that they are typing (or trying to type).

Using the internet as a "back-up brain" is kind of like "asking the audience" on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? It only works up to a point.

Speaking of which, check out this video, first featured here on TDBotD in the post entitled Good News, It's Not Just Americans!

P.S. The results are actually much more dramatic if you type in "syphi". that gets rid of all the syphon filter garbage, and you get ten Syphilis-related results, yet without the word syphilis spelled correctly anywhere amongst them.