Thoughts on Typefaces, Yellow Pages, and Apples.

Ok, I am experimenting once again with my new editor, composing offline. The good news here is that I can write from home, and I can do some things, layout-wise, that I couldn't do before. Like strikeout words. This is an essential tool for people who want to be moronic ironic, and make it look as though they are searching for precisely specifically exactly the right word. I get excited over the small stuff. I'm a cheap date, what can I say?

The Bad News is that my replacement brain favorite research tool, Google, is not quite as easily available when doing posts offline. If I am really hard pressed for a fact while writing, I do have the ability to use my brain cellphone to find the answer, but I am a bit spoiled by the fact that I usually have my search bar available in the upper right-hand corner of my screen, and if I want to fact-check, or dig a little deeper into something, mid-post, all I have to do is open a new tab and let my fingers do the walking.

For you youngsters: "Let your fingers do the walking" was the advertising slogan for a thing called the "Yellow Pages". You see, way back in the Pre-Google Era, between the years 30 P.G. and 0 P.G., when telephone numbers were still associated with fixed street addresses, The only "search engine" was a big, 42-pound book printed on tissue-thin yellow paper. It had everybody's phone number in the city written down inside it, and you had to physically turn the pages with your fingers. Nowadays, in the Google Dominant (or "G.D.") Era, our fingers don't walk, they take a cab. Or a jet. Soon, our fingers will probably be able to teleport.


Random Thought - If an apple a day keeps The doctor away, what happens if you just eat half an apple? Does it only keep half of a doctor away? Will the disembodied legs of a doctor come after you? If you don't want to be chased by undead doctors, then please, finish that apple!

If You've Seen One Food Court, You've Seen A Mall

Over-Commercialized Thanksmas Carols

1. Hark, The Victoria's Secret "Angels" Sing - Actually, singing is not their strong suit, but we love to watch them try.
2. Frosty the Beverage - For a Happy, Jolly Soul, Try dipping your French Fries in it.
3. Do You Phone What iPhone? Can you hear what I hear Now? Good.
   
4. Wii Three Kings - Because Who wants Frankincense and Myrhh, anyway?
5. The Little "Guitar Hero" Boy - Rocking until that Stable Becomes Unstable!
6. The 120 Days of Christmas - ...49 Computers Computing, 48 Microwaves Microwaving, 47...
7. Go Rest at Merry Cinnabon - And let absolutely nothing you dismay.
   
8. O Little Town of pets.com - dreaming a "Deep and Dreamless Sleep" now.
9. Rudolph, The Red Bull Reindeer - It gave him wings!
10. EBay in a manger - Auction for "Bethlehem Hotel Room" closes in 0d, 0h, 5m, 24s.

Emergency Beowulf Run

Becca and I tried to make plans with some friends this morning to go see Beowulf in IMAX 3D. Unfortunately, when I checked for showtimes, I found that the movie was only playing through the next two nights. Tonight was the only of the 3 dates we could make it out, so we are on the road to Nashville as I type. I have a bit of a headache, but I am hoping the pain killers kick in before showtime.

[update]: The Movie was awesome! Full of blood, guts, fear, lust, sex, and debauchery, but good. How it got a PG-13 rating is a mystery to me, though. I know it's animated, so the blood, gore and nudity are "Not Real", but.... In full color 3-D, on a 70-foot tall IMAX screen, when I can count the pores in Anthony Hopkins' nose, I would argue that the animated world I inhabited for a couple of hours seemed more real than the one full of shoppers and traffic that awaited outside the theater.

My Headache abated for long enough to enjoy the movie, but when we emerged from the theater, Becca had a headache, from the intensity of the 3D IMAX experience. I think if we had seated about 4 or 5 rows further back, the experience would have been better for both of us, but we just barely made it in time to catch the last preview, and didn't want to jostle our way into the occupied rows in the IMAX "Sweet Spot" in the center of the auditorium.

Update on Becca's Armpit

Update on Becca's Armpit: soreness spread to elbow. Ad Hoc visit to doc's office to have small lump on finger lanced. Antibiotics prescribed.

A Thanksmas Cartoon.

See, It's Not Just Me...

Untitled

this is a test post. I am utilizing a new offline editor to post to my blog. this will allow me to be creative in more locations. YAY!

Did you hear the joke about the three deep holes in the ground? No?

Well, well, well.....

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn't matter what you call him, he won't come!

Indescribable Batman Goodness!

I really lost touch with the whole Batman:The Dark Knight thing. I had been relying on my RSS feeds to bring me news when it broke, but it looks like the RSS feeds broke, instead of the news.

While I wasn't paying attention, a whole slew of Batman Goodness Was released. I am just now checking it out myself, so I don't know what to tell you about. If you have been interested in this story, Then go check out This Page. Look at Updates #5-8. Most of them have been up for just the last weekend.

Gotta go follow all the links myself now... Tootles!

What's The Point?

I'll tell you what the point is....

Not the point of anything, in particular, but a website called thepoint.com . A website that uses the organizing potential of the internet to get really big things done by lots of little people. (actually you can still get things done if you are a really big person, too. They don't discriminate against big people at The Point.)

Anyway, It works like this. As one little person, you figure you can't tell a big, multi-global corporation what to do. Or you can't achieve some really large accomplishment, like building a skatepark in your town, or raising a barn, buying a keg, whatever. So you look at the thing you want to get done, and think of how many people out there would need to get involved to get it done, or to make a real, substantive demonstration. Then you set your campaign to "tip" at the point when that many people sign up, pledging to take the specified action.

Then when users drop by to visit the site, they can sign up for your campaign, pledging to take action when enough other people have signed on. If your cause is hopeless, and nobody cares enough (for now) to get anything done, then you have saved yourself the time and effort of being a one man protest. (or a one-woman protest, whatever.) If your cause is shared, and taken up by enough other people in the world, then your campaign "tips", letting everyone who signed up know that the time for the designated action is NOW. If these people all make good on their pledges (a big "if", since they are unaccountable, anonymous, web users), then the action begins. (people begin boycotting, picketing, writing/phoning congresspersons, etc.)

Another method of using the site is to fundraise for things. You can set your sights higher, knowing that no-one is spending a dime, unless enough people pledge. If you can afford 90% of a project, nobody spends a dime. if you can afford 100% of a project, everybody ponies up their fair share. The awesome thing with this method of fundraising is that it really increases the giver's awareness of the need for their particular contribution. They see, in a very real way, that if they do not help this project, then this project will not happen.

Contrast this with NPR's semi-annual Pledge Drives. We give to these because we are guilted into it, not because we have any sense of real need for our particular contribution. I have given to NPR at some points in the last few years. Some seasons, though, I did not give any money to NPR, and you know what? The next week, when the pledge drive was over, NPR was still on the air! You don't, as a consumer get the idea that without your 35 dollars, NPR is going to have to pack up its broadcast tower and go home. With The Point, though, you see the total figure needed to make the campaign "tip", and if it is close to that point when you get there, then can't you go just a little further to be the one to make it happen?

Well, My first $52 charitable Donation has been pledged, via The Point, to their "Nothing But Nets" campaign, to send a shipment of 300 mosquito-killing bed nets to East Africa, protecting 300 families from malaria-spreading mosquitoes. I won't go into the specifics of NothingButNets here, but you can read all about them at the campaign page. To get there, go check out My Profile Page, and click on the campaign that I am a member of. If you create an account while you are there, add me as a contact; We could be buddies! A note of caution, though, before you pledge money. The money that you pledge today might not be charged to your card for months. For this reason I recommend using an open line of credit, rather than a check card/debit card, especially if you tend to ride close to the bottom edge of your checking account. You don't want your pledge of $100 to be honored when you only have $45 in the account. Being Overdrawn can lead to some very not-good things.

Some Things To Think About For 2008.

My wife and I like giving. Giving to people, giving to noble causes, giving to strangers in the hope that you did some good. We try to give intentionally, and regularly, but not automatically. There are several websites that help the determined giver to give smarter, and better. I have been kicking around the idea for a couple of months now of using this blog to encourage others to give and help them see how it can be done intelligently.

One of the things holding me back from doing this, however, was the fact that my Weekly or Recurring Features on this blog seem to have been some of the least appreciated parts of it, and I hesitated to start another "Regular Feature" only to see it become a "Semi-Regular" feature, and then scrap it altogether, as has already happened with an embarrassing and demoralizing number of items in this space.

But a "Weekly Charity of The Week" feature is still worth doing, I feel, even if it isn't the most popular part of my blog. But I am not starting it now. I will be starting it in January, at the beginning of the year. In the meantime though, I ask you, dear reader, to think about your charitable giving. Many of you give to church, some of you even give 10% of your income away. I would be willing to bet, though, that most of you don't. Quite likely many of my readers don't know what 10% of their income is, because they get paid so irregularly.

So... Between now, and the end of the year, think about how much you do give to charity, how much you should give to charity, and how much you can give to charity. Also, think about the groups you support. not the causes you support, but the groups. Does the environmental group you are helping send you 20-40 pounds of dead-tree mail every year? Is the poverty-aid group you support spending millions of dollars on advertising during the Super Bowl? In Short, are the charities you have been supporting still worth supporting? Do you still feel good about supporting them or do you just renew your commitment to avoid the awkwardness of "Breaking Up" with the organization.

I recently visited the website of one "Charity" organization based out of Nashville, TN with pictures of starving foreign orphans on their site's front page. A little further in, however, their site reads like a pushy investment brokerage, with details of the complex tax-shelters that will protect your wealth, and pay it back out to YOU, in the form of a Tax-protected, sheltered, diversified, sanitized, well-laundered, annuity. (while at the same time giving you the knowledge that you are somehow-or-another helping those adorable little foreign kids with their rice bowls. probably.)

This same organization wants to spend untold thousands (more likely Millions) of dollars mowing down the forests in my little town to created a humongous Gated Community, complete with lakeside condos, a golf course, clubhouse with swimming pool, physical fitness complex, and other amenities. How many of those little foreign starving orphans could they have given a new lease on life with all that money? (Incidentally, the company in question is barred from doing business in Maine And Washington, and has been censured in Wisconsin and Pennsylvania, as well.)

So to keep you from supporting these investment brokers doing just enough charity work to maintain their tax-shelter status, and others of their ilk, I will be doing the (sometimes rather intensive) research to bring you some of the best charities you can support. One a Week, to be precise. And I won't just tell you about them; I'll be putting my money where my Keyboard is,
donating $52 to each charity I highlight.

Why $52? Glad you asked! Because that is $1 a week. Because I will be covering 52 different charities throughout the year, a single $52 donation is the equivalent of throwing a dollar in their plate every Sunday. So at the end of the year I will be able to look back at 52 Frank-Endorsed organizations which I gave a dollar to every week of 2008. Can You match me? I hope so. I work at a gas station, and I can afford it!

And as a preview, let me tell you about where my money is going This week. I (potentially) donated to a campaign to combat malaria through an innovative website called ThePoint.com , and I'll tell you all about it in the next post. If you can't wait 'til then, check out their video intros, and look for the malaria-related campaign.

And to those of my readers already doing good in the world (and you know who you are...) Kudos, to all of you. I'm proud of you.

Cola Gives the Body Essential Sugars!!

I don't think this is real, but it is funny. From the same people that started the Ketchup Advisory Board, maybe?

Soda Pop Board of America

What Thanksmas Means To Me.

Thanksmas is the way we celebrate now. Thanksmas is the fifth season of the year, in between Autumn and Winter. It is sometimes referred to as just "The Season", as in Season's Greetings and 'Tis the Season... ("The Season", by the way, is the only time of the year that modern Americans use the word 'Tis.)

Thanksmas was once, way back in history, actually two, separate, holidays. The first holiday, which used to be called "Thanks-giving" was one day. That's right! Just One Day Long! On this day, grandmothers would gather together their families, and cook a large meal, which typically included a turkey. Their children would bring the grandchildren, and take a day off from their toil to sit and eat, and talk about their lives and celebrate their triumphs, large or small.

The second holiday of Thanksmas Season was called "Christmas" and it was originally, and I know this is hard to believe, a religious holiday, for Christians only! As part of this tradition, people gave presents to one another. Retailers noticed a dramatic rise in people buying stuff around this time of the year, and decided this Christmas thing was awesome. The retailers big problem with Christmas was that it was, at most, a 12 day celebration. Their other problem with Christmas was that only Christians (or those who claimed to be) celebrated it.

"We should get more people involved in the 'Christmas Spirit' ", said the Retailers. "If we get more people to buy stuff for all their friends and family, then we will make even more money!"

And with that, the Thanksmas Spirit was born.
this buying frenzy called "The Holidays" People would buy stuff for "The Holidays" that they would never, ever otherwise buy. Before, if Bob wanted a sweater, Bob would go buy a sweater. When he went to buy a sweater, he would get the sweater that he liked the best. One that would keep him warm, and one that looked pretty good on him. The retailers had to make sweaters that people like bob wanted, and liked.

But now during this wonderful Thanksmas Season, retailers could make sweaters with pictures of snowmen and reindeer on them, and sell them, not to Bob, who wasn't even shopping in the store because he didn't need a sweater, but to Bob's Grandmother, Bob's Aunt, and maybe even, (if Bob is really unlucky) Bob's Girlfriend! They sold three sweaters to a guy who didn't even need a sweater! and the best part is, when Bob decides he does want to wear a sweater later on, he will go buy one anyway, because you can't wear Thanksmas Sweaters after January! (and he probably won't wear them during Thanksmas either, 'cause they're freakin' hideous!)

So this Season of Giving is a goldmine for the Retailers, and they wanted more, and more, and more of the year to be associated with it. If 12 days of Thanksmas Shopping were good, then 30 days would be great! And If people like 30 days, why not give them thirty five? The earliest you could go, though, for a while was Thanksgiving. The day after Thanksgiving, lots of people were off of work, because, Hey, Why go back for 1 measly day, right? So the Shopping started then. This has been going on for a long time now.

Then somehow, the Day After Thanksgiving became its own, shopping-centric, holiday, and the Heart Of Thanksmas. Today is what Thanksmas is all about. Getting in line (or throng, or mob) in front of a store before it opens at 6, 5, or even 4AM, getting in a fight with a middle-aged woman over a marked-down electronic toy made by a factory full of abused children in China that your kid won't even play with for more than a few hours. That's what Thanksmas is all about, Charlie Brown!

I've been pretty much OK with Thanksmas as it has existed within my life. Santa Claus has his traditional place at the end of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. The reasoning behind this is that AFTER Thanksgiving, the Christmas (Thanksmas, really) Season begins. This appearance of Santa at the end of this parade, is supposed to be the first time all year that anyone has seen him. He was at our local mall November 9th. Kids could still be eating their Trick-or-Treats while standing in line to sit in Santa's lap and get two 5x7's, eight wallets, four 3x5's, photo CD, PLUS a Free Gift(a partridge in a pear tree, perhaps?) for only $39.99 plus tax.

So lay off the shopping this year,and do more letter-writing. Look at your traditions this year and ask yourself; Are they meaningful? Are they helpful? Are they causing me (or others) more stress than joy? Are they contributing to "stuff-itis" and clutter, or alcoholism, or weight gain, or diabetes, or chronic debt? Prioritize the people in your life this year; it's OK to do that, really, it is. Do you really have to go to every single party you are invited to? Is the Bass Fishermen's Club party really worth giving your siblings or parents or children or spouse short shrift for?

Just something to ponder as we prepare for the perennial madness once again.

My Thanksmas Present!

Has the curse reversed?
As previously mentioned in this space, the predators were recently proved to be able to lose without me watching. I explained the situation to parents at the Thanksgiving table, and my dad suggested that I should watch a game and see if it had "flip-flopped". I started listening to the game on the drive home from Nashville, and listened to the rest of it at work, and, for the first time this season, experienced a predators victory as it happened!
I created the above cartoon to commemorate the occasion.

My Flickr Account.

I had been meaning to get a flickr account for sometime, and now, at long last, I've got one. I have been having some problems setting up the pics so that the new slideshow plugin for Blogger will display them.

Anyway, my Flickr username is PhrankyGee, so to view the pics I have up so far, just clicky the linky.


An interesting thing happened though, when I tried to search for my pictures by typing my username into the main page's search field.
EXCUSE ME!? My Name sounds nothing at all like "Shrinkage". I hesitate to think what pictures await behind that link, but I will promise you this; they ain't of ME!

Anyway.... Happy Turkey Day, and Merry Thanksmas!

My Control Over The Predators Is Slipping!

In my post entitled "My Plan Is Working Perfectly", I mentioned my unbroken streak of only paying attention to Losing Predators games. Every game I followed, they lost, every game I ignored, they won. Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle in action. Coming up, at the time was a match-up against the Detroit Red Wings, which I wanted to , but didn't want to jinx*.

Well, I Followed along on the Radio for the first Period, and the first few minutes of the second. I abandoned the game to spend time with my wife, and we watched a movie. When the movie was done, I checked online for the score, only to find there was no final score yet, because the game was still in overtime! Nashville didn't make it out of overtime the winner, but the way the NHL standings work, if you manage to not lose during "regulation" game time, you still get awarded a "point" in the overall league rankings. So a tie that you lose in overtime still counts as a tie for you in the broader picture.

So for my streak, that matched perfectly. I now had Three possible outcomes:

1. Pay No Attention, Win Outright.
   
2. Follow Closely, Lose Miserably.
3. Pay Some Attention, and Lose in Overtime, Scoring a Tie.

I paid absolutely no attention to the Next 3 games, in which we Beat Columbus at Home and Away, and also dispensed with the Chicago Blackhawks. The Streak continued unabated.

Then the other night, at work, I checked to see how the Preds had been doing lately, and what the schedule looked like, and was surprised to find a tied game still in progress! (Against the St.Louis Blues, one of the Preds' most hated division rivals, who this year bought Paul Kariya, one of Nashville's star players, out from under us. Some people I know are still very upset about that.) [Warning: Link Contains Mature Language (and Immature Attitude).]

I should have turned away right then. The game was tied, with just a couple of minutes to go. But I listened. I listened intently, as the game went to "sudden-death" overtime. I listened as the scoreless overtime period became a shootout. I listened with dread, as Paul Kariya took his turn as shooter, and in ecstasy as he failed to win the game for his new, deeper-pocketed team. And finally I listened as, again, we lost a game in overtime. The Streak Remained Unbroken.

Then last night, I got a newsflash that the Predators lost AGAIN to the Blues (this time in regulation play) on Monday.
NNOOOOOoooo!!

The Streak Was broken, but in the wrong direction!! I kept hoping to break the streak, but by observing a Win, not by letting a Loss slip by!

Silver Lining, Though: I can watch a game now without fear of The Jinx*.

*For a marginally related bit of info-cational edu-tainment, check out this video, which is the simplest, and best, layman's introduction to "Quantum Weirdness" in which The Act of Observing An Event Changes The Event's Outcome. See, It's not Superstition, it's Science!

When Doldrums Attack!

OK, readers... It is clear that I have failed to excite you all with my latest "Post-A-Palooza". Or you failed yo be excited by it. Yes, that's it... You failed! Yeah, I'm gonna' go with that. In case anybody forgot my nifty little edu-taining info-graph from before, here is a section of what the end looked like. The idea was to preemptively fend off any November Doldrums that decided to come sniffing around.

<--Pre-"Palooza" Post-"Palooza"-->

As you can see from my brilliantly executed diagram, Doldrummage was not forestalled by my clever plot. I think Saturday is a bad day to Palooza on.

So, not to rub it in or anything, but you have all failed. Miserably. But don't worry, you can still make it up to me by finding a particularly funny post of mine and sending it to a friend or three. Or by sending me a large wad of cash. Either one will do.

My Sweetie's Got A Boo-Boo!

Posting by phone today from the doctor's office, where Becca is awaiting her appointment. She noticed a pain in her left armpit several days ago, and it has gotten steadily worse over the last week. Here's hoping it's no big deal. I'll keep you posted.

[update:] It might be something... or, then again, it might be nothing.

Thanks a ton, Doc.

We were given the extremely valuable advice of "eh... Keep an eye on it, and if it gets worse, come back and see me." You know what, Doc? That's what we just did! We kept an eye on it, it got worse, so we came to see you. NOW comes the part where you use your tens of thousands of dollars worth of education and laboratory equipment to tell us what it is, and, more importantly, how to get rid of it!

Anyway, Becca has an appointment for another boob-mauling in 2 weeks. Yeah, I know. Apparently boobs and armpits look a lot alike, and you don't learn which is which in medical school. Let me help, Doc... the armpit it over there, where your hand isn't.

Just A Little Bit More Batman

Oooh, I am excited! Still no pics of My Favorite Villain, but these two shots are pretty tittilating for now!

This Post-A-Palooza is a Wrap!

Well, Fans.. I have wasted an entire day to put out a measly three posts. Actually only two, since the post with video in it is still waiting to be "processed" after I uploaded the video hours ago. I am sharing bandwidth with a guy who is playing World of Warcraft, so that might explain things running slowly, anyway... I gotta go earn a living now, unless a thousand people go buy things from Amazon by clicking my ad at the bottom of the page. (hinthint..)

See ya round, and remember; ... Ahh, I forget what it was you were supposed to remember.

The Post In Which I Pay Far Too Much Attention To Carrie Underwood.

Last week it seemed a topic kept popping up over and over again. The subject of Carrie Underwood, and her song about the violent destruction of her man's* "pretty little 'souped-up' 4-wheel drive".

*Is he her man? What relationship is this man to her? Boyfriend? Husband? "Baby-daddy"?** "Stalking victim"? One of the places this topic came up was in a video clip I watched the other day in which none other than Grammy-winner and quintuple-nominee John Mayer does a stand up comedy bit about this very subject. Go check it out and come back, I'll wait. [Warning:] bit contains potentially offensive language and subject matter!!

**One of the things I've noticed since moving up here is that a LOT of women I know refer to their "Domestic Partners" or "Common-Law Husbands" as simply "My Old Man". The phrase "My Old Lady" gets used a lot too, when one wants to be intentionally vague about one's marital status. In some parts of the world, the terms "Baby-Daddy" and "Baby-Mama" get used to describe some "non-traditional" relationships, but up here in the mountains of Southeast Tennessee, the term is "My Old Man".

Anyway, with John having mentioned that Carrie here might be a little unsure of her relationship with the recipient of her wrath, I thought "You know what? The song says that she DID do all of that stuff to his truck, but it only says he "probably" was cheating! Nowhere in the song does it say he actually cheated! Just he's "probably" doing this, that and the other.

Well a song's lyrics can't go into to much detail, so I headed on over to YouTube to see the Video of "Before He Cheats". Yeah,I watched a Country Music Video. On Purpose. I Suffer for my Art, people!

Well the first thing that struck me was how pretty you have to make yourself look before you go smash up someone's vehicle. I would have gone with a simple ski-mask, or "pantyhose-over-the-head" ensemble for the occasion, but Ms. Underwood (and no, she's not a Hobbit) thought she would disguise herself by the skillful application of 3 pounds of cosmetic make-up.

Officer: Could you give me a description of the assailant, sir?
Witness: Yessir- She looked kinda like Britney Spears, but.. y'know, back when she used to be pretty.

That was the first thing that struck me about the video. The second thing that struck me is that, while in the video there is verifiable infidelity, she smashes up his truck Before she witnesses the cheatage. Should have seen this coming though, since the title of the song is "Before He Cheats". Kind of a preemptive strike. So, ladies.. if you have reason to believe your man might be unfaithful to you later, just go ape-$#!* on his car now, and get it out of the way. Just nip that crap in the bud; you'll be glad you did. [warning] Do not attempt this if you need to use the vehicle in the near future. Plan your work and work your plan!

The third thing that struck me about the video is that after witnessing the cheatage in the video, Ms. Underwood (still not a Hobbit!) wreaks telekinetic vengeance on all of Bourbon Street like Jean Grey in X-Men, or Drew Barrymore in Firestarter, or... Waitaminute! her name is Carrie!?

As in "Nooo! They're All Gonna Laugh At You!"?

OK. If you know any one named Carrie-- DO NOT MAKE THEM MAD. They may have telekinetic powers with which they can destroy your entire town and everyone in it!

Or they may have a Louisville Slugger, and a set of car keys. Or Both! Either way, they can make things hard on you, so: Do not cheat on a Carrie, do not give a Carrie reason to believe you will cheat on her, and never, EVER dump a bucket of pig's blood on her at the Prom. That is a major no-no, that is!

So, Frank, How Was Lunch?

It was good. Or, rather it is good, because I am still eating it. I went and got some pizza from Crust, the Restaurant where I work on the weekends. It was really my only option, as I forgot my wallet, and that was the only restaurant that owed me money. (my tips, from last night.)

So I snatched pizza and I am back in Blogging action. We will start with a reader request to see my new awesome bumper-sticker in its new place of honor - on my scooter. I affixed it last night, in the dark, in 33-degree temperatures. (After riding my scooter through those same temperatures, I might add.) For a better view of the sticker itself, click here.

*** Breaking news*** this blog was interrupted (seems like they all are interrupted by something) by one of our youngest "airport bums", the adorable Pete. Pete was eager to show off his Halloween costume (which he is, for some reason, still carrying around in his backpack on November 17th.) He was Mr. Incredible for Halloween, and in an effort to relive the experience, he donned his costume while I continued typing.

When I asked him about being "Dash" from The Incredibles instead, so he could run around really fast, he informed me that he couldn't run as fast as Dash. I agreed that, No, without superpowers he could not run as fast as a superhero, and his face lit up, and this is what he said:

"I... I.. I Got some Powers, cause I drank some Powerade!"

File that under "Darndest Things". I told Pete that I was unaware of Powerade giving people special powers, and asked him the next question that, quite logically popped into my mind.

"If you get Powers from drinking Powerade, then what do you get if you drink Gatorade?"

Pete did not know, but soldiered on, giving me more, (unsolicited) information about The Incredibles.

Now, I find that not only did I not grab my wallet this morning, but I also did not grab my Card Reader, which I need to get pictures from my phone (where you can't see them,boo!) to the internet (where you can, Yay!) So now I have to go get that, and Post-A-Palooza grinds to a halt once more.

As they say on the internet... hey, wait - this is the internet!

As they say here, on the internet, BRB. (That is for people too lazy to type "Be Right Back", although if you have to type out an explanation of what it means, then it doesn't really help much.)

OK, I'm back Pictures and video are up, enjoy!

Post-A-Palooza 2: The Madness Continues

As you can see from the above diagram, Post-A-Palooza 1 was successful in bringing my blog out of the October Doldrums. And as I always say; "If at first you do succeed, then drive that puppy 'til the wheels fall off!"

So in order to head off any potential November Doldrums, I am hereby instigating TDBotD Post-A-Palooza 2: The November Edition! It works based on a very simple concept. I can't complain about nobody Reading my blog, if I ain't Writing anything in it. So, I will now attempt to catch you up to date on every topic in the known Frankiverse. Right after lunch.

Oh, and a quick shout-out to Becky in Dallas and Emily in Germany who have joined the ranks of my e-mail subscribers. Much love to you guys.

Now, between Emily in Nordrhein-Westfalen, and Merrill in Quito, I am read regularly in 3 countries, and on THREE CONTINENTS! Woo hoo! And Tomorrow, Pinky, We Will Take Over The World!....

People With ADHD Should Not Be... Oh, Look, A Cloud!

In order to be the best blogger I can be, I subscribe to a steady stream of news sources and have several "News Alerts" that let me know when topics I care about hit the news.

My Hometown made the Chattanooga News when 2 of our previous civil servants got mugshotted and booked on various felonies. That's kind of a story, but not really the sort of thing that I would blog about. But while at the News Channel 9 website, another story, flagged as "Most Commented" caught my eye. The story was that of a ADHD-afficted (or perhaps afflicting?) student who was forced, by his mean teacher, to sit in a closet, away from the other students.

I was forced to sit away from the other students a lot when I was a kid. Out in the hall to do make-up work when I hadn't done homework, right up by the teacher's desk as punishment for something I honestly can't remember (probably being disruptive/talking to classmates), in the classroom during recess, finishing something unfinished.... I never had to sit in an actual closet, but it wouldn't have surprised me.

Anyway, the story itself was far less interesting than the comment-stream beneath it, which was kicked off by a person identified only by his/her (undoubtedly proud) hometown of Chickamauga, GA.

"Chickamauga" had this to say about the story. And I Quote:

i think that teachers need to be ask differnt kinds of questions hooked to a lie detecive machine this kind of stuf makes me want to take my kids out of school and home school them thay are to many teachers that are acting stuiped thay all need their back ground check very closely thay are hireing anybody it looks like stop killing beating and abuseing kids thay are gods kids we are here to take care of them and love them not to be mean to them teach them right from wrong not kill them or abuse them becouse the ones that do this are not going up but down and quit sexely abuseing them stop this thay did not ask to be born

End Quote. Approximately 120 words, 14 mispelled (5 of which were the word "Thay"). Not one capital letter, not one punctuation mark.

Not to mention she* rails against 3 or 4 things completely unrelated to the article. It was about a kid being made to sit by himself. Last time I checked that was called a "Time Out". Nobody in this story was"killing","beating" or, least of all, "sexely abuseing" anybody!

(*I know it could be a man behind the keyboard, but I just have a very firm image in my head of the voice that is shrieking these words**, and it is a woman's. Sorry if that seems misogynistic, but in my mind, "Chickamauga, GA" is a woman. And she sounds like Ms. Crabtree, the bus driver from South Park.) (** And yes, you can have an "image" of a voice. Or at least I can.)

The next person to comment, someone with the Nom de Web of "Poor Boy", picked up on the frightening reference to this person Home Schooling her kids, and had this to say.

Please, for the sake of your child, do not homeschool if your spelling is that horrible.

Pretty sharp cookie, that "Poor Boy" is. Quick on the uptake, y'know?

Well, That would have been a pretty funny story if it ended right there, but Wait! There's More! Chickamauga (or just "Chick" for short) came back to (utterly fail to) defend her previous post!

In a rare "Double Shot" of Idiocy, She makes the claim that she can, in fact, spell, and that her previous post was not up to her ordinary standards of commenting excellence; and she does so in a post that is just as bad as the previous one!

And I Quote:

comment from poor kids my spelling is not bad my kids walked in the door thay just got home and i was typing fast to finsh and i did not look over it becouse when my kids get home i give them 100percent of me and for the other people that are taken up for the teacher well i guess yall need one of them stupid signs teachers should know how to deal with kids like that and being that mean is not how to fix any thing i had a stepson that had it but you got to take nice to them and dont be mean to them if you treat them mean and yell at them it dont get any better if you do that god is not finsh with them and remember thay are gods kids

End Quote.

So, If you are in Chickamauga, GA in about 10 years, getting some fast food, and guy behind the counter, the one trying to get the french-fry machine to work by banging on it really hard, seems to be completely incapable of making coherent English Sentences, you'll know that "Chickamauga" went through with it, and gave her kids the best education that she knew how to give.

All I Really Want For Christmas...

OK, it's not ALL I really want for Christmas, but it is all I can reasonably expect to receive for Christmas. And it may not even be that reasonable!

I want to go see my brother in San Diego. And I am going to. However, going to (and staying in) San Diego is expensive. So, if you were going to get me anything for Christmas (and I just know you were, you devil!), then give me money to help me go to Sunny Southern California in January.

Flight and Hotel (a nice one, on the beach!) are gonna run me about $400.

So, Mom, Dad, Anna: Please, No Ceramic Roosters, Bobble-Head Dalmatians, or Frilly Duck-Adorned Mailboxes. Not even an iPod Touch, a Blu-ray Player, or a Plasma TV. Just Cold, Hard CA$H this Christmas, so that I can spend my Birthday with my kid brother over in his perpetually warm and sunny new home.

Here's a Picture of Me and My Bro from the last (and only) time I visited him:

Oh yeah, We totally rode that coaster. Rode the crap out of it, dude.

Coolest. Sticker. Ever.

I have been searching, ever since I bought my scooter, for bumper stickers worthy of adorning it. Finally, my search has turned up the best sticker ever. Andre The Giant, as Fezzick from The Princess Bride, with the caption, "Anybody Want A Peanut?"
Classy!
I found it at Hot Topic, which worries me, because the last "really super-original" thing I bought at Hot Topic was my Napoleon Dynamite "Vote For Pedro" shirt, which, within 3 months, was being worn by EVERYONE!

Headaches Explained!

I Have been suffering from a terrible headache over the last 36 hours or so, and have a theory as to the cause. I have utilized today's helpful visual aid to help explain. You can click on the picture for the more bigger version if you need to.

it's been quite a while since TDBotD has featured a haiku, but the extreme beauty of the season has inspired me to poetry, so... here goes:

The Autumn Colors
Offer some consolation
For the air's fierce chill.

Anybody want to buy a book?

Wow... It is Sunday afternoon and I get to post again.

Friday morning I had to teach a Balloon-Twisting workshop for a children's entertainers convention at a church in Nashville. I was doing the event for free, as a favor to my parents, but the opportunity existed to sell "Lecture Notes" after the workshop to those who wanted a written version of the class to take home with them. I had prepared this material already back in 2002, when I gave much the same lecture at the same convention.

That time, I had to compose and self-publish my notes, which involved several hours (days, maybe?) behind the computer, writing and illustrating, and then several more hours at Kinko's spending a fortune printing the things (including the full-color cover), then cutting, folding, and stapling....

I probably made twenty of the things, at a cost of well over forty dollars, not including time and effort. I figured I could sell them at 6$ a piece, and then, if I sold all twenty of them, I would leave the class (which I was teaching for free, remember) with an eighty dollar profit to show for all my labor.

I sold 6, I think. The details are a little fuzzy, 'cuz this was over 5 years ago, but one point stands out clearly in my mind, and that is... I didn't quite make the money back that I put in. I was left with a stash of more than a dozen booklets that I gave away most of over the course of the next 5 years.

Then this year I had an opportunity to do the lecture again. Only I had given away the notes over the course of the last 5 years, so I had none! I decided to use the knowledge gained from my past mistakes, and print them at the University Library instead of Kinko's, Skip the Full Color cover, only make a few of them (I made 6), and charge more for them. $7.50 sounds just as fair as $6, anyway.

So I spent slightly less than $20 to make half a dozen of these little 32 page masterpieces, and I went to the convention and did a wonderful presentation. I sold two books... I didn't quite make the money back that I put in. Again.

Anybody want to buy a book? I got 4 left. At $7.50, they make great stocking stuffers!

What Would Joker Do?

The Evil Overlord List, as mentioned in previous posts, is located at http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html. Go ahead and give it a read, if you are unfamiliar with it. It has been around for a very long time, and you may have first seen it in an e-mail forward sent to you by someone who does that sort of thing.

It was first mentioned (By Liz, in the comments) in conjunction with a post about Batman's famous nemesis, The Joker, so I thought it would be fun to see how many of the rules the Clown Prince of Crime would almost certainly break in the upcoming movie. Here are the ones that stuck out.

He doesn't even get past number one.

#1 - My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

In the opening sequence henchmen are wearing clown masks. All the Face-concealment of the worst helmet, but with none of the protection.

#6 - I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

Very Un-Joker-like.

#11 - I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

We already know that the Joker leaves his "Calling Card" at the scene of his crimes. That's at the very end of "Batman Begins".

#20 - Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

Aww, Come ON! Maniacal Laughter is His Specialty!

#29 - I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

Hey, there is one he gets RIGHT!

#44 -I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

Another one right! If you read the Story over at LatinoReview.com, then you know that he assembles his army of mobsters to go after ol' Bat-Ears by offering them (their own) money.

#56 - If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

Hey! One-Liners are his Specialty. After Maniacal Laughter, that is. One tends to go along with the other.

#61 - If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them
#64 - I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

Madness. It's not always a good thing.

#73 - I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

I love/hate it when this happens in movies. The Evil Evil Bad Guy, who is evil enough to maim, rob, and kill to get his way, is corrupt enough to rig the competition so that the good guys can't possibly win, but is somehow honor-bound to release them when they do win anyway. Batman villains in general are susceptible to this sort of thing.

#87 - My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

In the original Batman, this is how we got the Joker. Comic books, in general, would be in a pretty poor state if they had to do without their walkways over chemical vats.

#92 - If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

I don't think Batman would buy it if Joker tried the penitent act, but I don't think the Joker would try it anyway. After all, Taunting is his Specialty! After One-Liners, that is. And Maniacal Laughter. He has a lot of specialties. He's very special.

He may break some other rules once the movie comes out, and if he does, I will let you know about it here, on The Daily Blog of the Day!

The Internet of Yesteryear.

Ah... The Evil Overlord List. A Classic of the internet. I looked up the list to do a post on it, and found that it was from a whole decade ago; back when 90% of the internet was AOL, operating on a 28.8 Kbps Modem.

When Coaxial Cable screwed into your TV, not your modem, when images were measured in pixels, not megapixels, and when 2 gigabytes was the amount of hard drive space your computer had, not the amount of RAM. An average PC had either a 133 MHz Pentium Chip, or if you were cutting edge, 233 MHz. And the standard medium of portable data storage was the 1.44 Mb Floppy disk.

Back when Yahoo was Google, and Lycos was Yahoo. When IRC chatting was IM'ing, When USENET groups were MySpace and Facebook, and when nothing was Skype.

When only the super-wealthy had cellular phones, and If you had a beeper (remember those buggy-whips?), people thought you were either an on-call doctor, or a drug dealer.

When HTML was XML/CSS/PHP/AJAX, and was something that a reasonably intelligent person could teach himself. And.. And this is Really Mind-Blowing... when people thought it was amazing that you could Make Text Blink!!!!

When Apple was that company that made those cute little Macintoshes that were like the Vespas of the computer world. They were really cute, but you wouldn't want to go very far on one.

And when your Internet Service Provider (probably AOL, see above) charged you BY THE HOUR!

I will have a post on the actual overlord list coming up, but I ran out of time reminiscing.

What have I left out? Do you remember the internet circa 1996/1997? What are your favorite memories? Drop a comment to let me know!

More "Batman:The Dark Knight" News.

OK, so I laid off on the Batman news for a while, because a lot of my readers were quite probably sick to death of hearing about this marketing campaign in excruciating detail, and because I had been waiting for the next big surprise or reveal.

Those of you interested in the subject most likely saw the new Joker picture that was the conclusion to the Whysoserious scavenger hunt, (Although if any of you were looking at the site without your speakers on, then you missed the Joker audio that accompanied the new picture.) Here is the in-focus portion of that picture.


I was not sure what to make of the finger protruding in front of his face in this picture at first, then I realized (after some while) that he is frozen in the act of steepling his fingers in front of his lips in standard evil-genius pose #26. You can only just see the other black-gloved hand against the deep shadows along the right side of his face. Caught mid-steeple (or pre-steeple?), it looked to me at first as though that were a lone middle finger, extended in the "Bird of Disfavor" position. The Evil-Genius pose makes more sense though, considering that's what he is.

Anyway, today we got more news, and much more exciting news, and it doesn't have to do with the viral marketing campaign that started off with the "I believe in harvey dent too.com" site. Instead it comes from a good old fashioned leak.

Kellvin Chavez of LatinoReview.com dropped this little gem this morning. Remember the 7-minute-long IMAX preview I got so excited about? Well, we now have a synopsis of what will occur in that scene. For the full description, and another, far clearer, picture of Heath Ledger as The Joker, just clicky the linky.

One more thing before I go. This Batman is completely unrelated to the Michael Keaton Batman from, like, a million years ago. Right? I mean the origin story is different, right? But according to one interview excerpt I read, this movie will not depict the origin of the Joker, only his "rise to power". Which raises the question: "What IS the origin of this Joker? He has scars along his cheeks, from what? Acid? A Knife? A Katana? Lupus? The old "Head locked in a box with starving rats" trick? The Mutagenic "Ooze" that made the Ninja Turtles?

And in Batman 1, Jack Nicholson's Joker Face was permanently bleached white. He wore fleshtone makeup to pass for reasonably human in a few scenes. Heath's whiteface looks like it is intentionally applied. (and in the new pic, coming off in places.) In the immortal words of Jerry Seinfeld, "What is the deal with that?"

I hope that they give us some explanation for the Joker's physical origin and not just his political/psychological origin, or "rise to power". That would be disappointing. Disappointing indeed. And when I get disappointed, Mr. Bigglesworth gets Angry. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets Angry, people die!

By the way, Dr. Evil's Curled-Pinky-To-The-Lip is standard evil-genius pose #44.

My Plan Is Working Perfectly!

I have Watched, listened to, or otherwise paid close attention to 7 Nashville Predators games this season. I have missed, sometimes to the point of not even knowing a game was happening, 7 Predators games this season.

The Predators record so far this season. 7 wins, 7 miserable losses. Guess which 7 games were the ones I paid attention to.

Yep.

In the post from October 30th, I said "I need to miss a few predators games." So I did. I paid absolutely no attention to the sports page for a whole week. In that week, they played (though I was unaware of it at the time) against the Vancouver Canucks, the Edmonton Oilers, and the Chicago Blackhawks.

And the beat them all (each by a 3-point margin!), scoring 3, 4, and 5 points in those games, respectively!


Yes, friends... I am proving I am a true Nashville Predators fan by not watching, listening to, or even checking on the score of, a single one of their games.

That being said, I am going to attempt to watch, or otherwise monitor, the their match against the Detroit Red Wings tomorrow evening. I am not sure if I will be able to watch it or not, but those of you who will be watching that game (both of you) will probably be able to tell if I am.

[Update:] Aha... I just figured out how to get around my jinx! I will be watching the game, but I will be rooting against the Preds! That way I can continue my streak of perpetual disappointment, but Nashville's team won't have to suffer for it.

Not that I'm superstitious or anything, 'cuz that's just silly.

Let's (don't) Go, Predators!

I Am Listed Among The Technorati.

I don't know what that means, but I am.

Not the Illuminati, The Shadowy Group that wants to (or possibly already does) rule the world; Not the Literati, that bunch that like to write, and read and review one another's books; Not the Paparazzi, who hang around on beaches with long telephoto lenses waiting for Jessica Alba to come out of her boat's cabin topless so they can take pictures...

...But the Technorati, the leaders of The Interwebs. Or the Webosphere. Or The Blogonet. Oh, you know, that thingy where all the webpages are.

Anyway I am listing myself there, which will theoretically confer some sort of benefit to me, publicity-wise. The "Technorati 100" is to Bloggetry what the New York Times Bestseller List is to Books. Everyone dreams of making it, but only the cream of the crop get there.

It is not super important now, but if I start up another blog (or two, or an entire Empire, MWAH-Ha-Ha-HAAAAhh!!) then my Technorati Profile would let people who like me (that's You, by the way) to find all my other blogs, even if they are not hosted on Blogger.

If there are any other benefits to having my blog "listed" on Technorati, I will let you know. In the meantime, there is another blog listing service called "Alexa", I think I am heading there next to see what they got.

Remember, Remember the 5th of November...

A special "Holiday" shout-out to Liz in Atlanta, Sorry we missed you in Chattanooga.

Remember, Remember, The 5th of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I Know of no Reason
Why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever - be - forgot.

Panthers In The Woods - Part 2

This is a continuation of Panthers In The Woods - Part 1. Clicky the linky to read them in the right order.

A steady stream of 911 responders filtered through the Convenience store ('cuz we give uniformed officers free coffee), and I was able to piece together the following story.
Apparently some folks over in "The Assembly", a local gated community full of mostly summer homes, heard a baby crying off in the woods somewhere, out in the cold. So they called 911. After searching for quite a while with men, dogs, and helicopters for the source of the crying, they found, no baby, but several large cat prints. For those of you who have not ever heard a Bobcat before, it sounds almost exactly like a wailing human. The hunt was called off, and the cat was blamed for the crying, but according to one of the EMTs back from the scene, the cat-tracks were described as those of a panther. What are the odds of 2 panther-in-the-woods stories in 1 day?

*Random side note: Every time I type "panther", my phone thinks I'm trying to type "panties". What an embarrassing mix-up that could have led to! People looking for panties on the internet will now be directed to my site for no good reason. Oh well, good thing I didn't slip up and leave it on the previous post, or people looking for "Evil Baby Panties" would have found it, and I don't want those types reading my blog.

....oops. Oh well, people looking for "Evil Baby Panthers" will already be coming, so I might as well leave it.

Panthers In The Woods - Part 1

This afternoon Becca and I were driving to Chattanooga with one of her regular customers, an aerial photographer, when the topic of conversation somehow came around to bobcats and panthers.

Our passenger related the tale of the time, as a child, he stumbled upon a black panther in the woods. He said that, not long ago, he spoke to someone who still lives in that same area whose husband had recently sighted a black panther there.

Then tonight, right before work, I was awakened by the sound of a helicopter flying very slowly, very low, very nearby. My mind raced to visions of escaped psychotic killers on the loose in my neighborhood. Well, after I got to work (leaving my wife all alone in the house, without me to protect her from the almost certainly brutal axe-murderer), I found out what all the manhunt action was about. Every emergency responder in three counties were combing the forest in search of a lost baby. Or a child. Or possibly a woman. Or maybe a Gigantic Evil Panther.

Clicky the linky for Panthers in The Woods - Part 2

These Glasses Work On Everything!

This is a follow-up to the post "A Chance For Redemption". Clicky the linky if you want to read them in order.

The movie was awesome! The glasses worked so well at the theater that I decided to wear them all the way home! And you know what? The whole drive back was in 3D! The other cars looked just like they were coming right at me! Until I got back on the right side of the street, that is.

A Chance for Redemption

I am sitting in the RAVE theatre in Chattanooga, awaiting the start of the 3D re-release of "The Nightmare Before Christmas". One of my great regrets in life is that I missed the chance to see this film on the big screen when I was a teenager. I was out-voted by my fellow moviegoers, and we saw "Addams Family Values" instead.

Today I can set that wrong to right. The Pre-Movie music in the theatre has already been almost worth the price of admission. And I get to keep these Uber-Stylish 3D Glasses.

I Am Not, By Nature, A Violent Man, But...

This Weekend made me want to punch people in the face. Hard, and Repeatedly.

The Pizza restaurant where I work is located on a college campus. This weekend was Homecoming Weekend at the University, as well as, concurrently, "Party Weekend", a two-and-a-half day communal Drunken Binge for no particular occasion whatsoever. The population of our little town pretty much quadruples for Homecoming, and we knew, going in, that our restaurant was going to be overrun.

Friday night was busy, as expected, and we handled it okay, and by 9:00, things slowed down enough that the other two servers took off for the night, leaving me to finish off the last few tables, and clean up before closing. We close at 10PM, by the way. Keep that in mind, it is important to the story.

Also important to the story is the fact that while waiting tables on Friday night, I was conscious of the fact that I had to be back in the morning to do a double shift as manager on Saturday. A certain amount of dread was maintaining a pleasant throb in the back of my mind as I contemplated just how much dark tunnel lay between me and the light at the end. So at 9:35 or so, when two young couples came in and sat, I inwardly groaned before composing myself and greeting them warmly. I got them started, and as I took the cook (who was also looking forward to closing) the first of these final orders, he asked me if that was the last one. I told him no, there was one more order after this one.

That did not turn out to be the case. Then came a party of 6, another party of 2, two parties of 3, a couple of to-go orders, and when a very nice man came in 5 minutes after closing,...

Well it is a long and bitter story, but let's just suffice to say that I finally had to politely ask our last table to please leave at 11:30. Despite the fact, that we had turned the lights out in half of the restaurant about 45 minutes earlier, they acted completely surprised to find that we were closed, and wanted them to please finish their beers and leave. They left a 10 dollar tip though, and that will buy a lot of forgiveness. They were not the ones I wanted to knock out though. the ones on that list were The guys who placed a to-go order, after we were closed, then came in and decided they were going to stay and eat it there, and the drunken Jerk who, because I was wearing my "Vote For Pedro" T-shirt, kept hollering at me from across the room, calling me "Pedro", whenever he wanted anything.

But the Guy Who really had me seeing visions of Chainsaw Murder, was the guy who came in the next night. This guy tried to make reservations, of a sort, while he was on the way, about 10 minutes up the road. At the height of the dinner rush, on what might very well be our busiest night of the year, I (who was acting as manager for the night, and had basically been at work for 16 out of the last 24 hours) got the following phone call.

Jerk: Hi, I'm bringing in the cross-country team; there's about 30 of us, and...

Me (interrupting): No, sir, not tonight you're not! This is the University's Homecoming; We are completely full right now, we cannot accommodate more than, maybe, about 8 people.

Jerk: Well, we don't mind waiting for a little while...

Me: No, you would be waiting a long while. This is our biggest night of the year and... listen I hate to tell you this, but we simply do not have any tables for you.

Jerk: Well could we order something to go, then and, we'll (mutter, mutter...)

Me: To-Go, we can do! What can I get you?

Jerk: Well, what kind of pizzas do you have?

Me (inside my head): Listen, you #%&$*%*&-ing @#$%, $@*&%^-er! I do not have time to read our entire @#%*#$% Menu to you over the phone! Our restaurant is completely full, My two cooks have about 20 tickets already waiting in line to go into our oven, and you are tying up the one phone line we have asking me to read you the $%*@#% Menu?!! You have GOT to be JOKING me! Get A Clue, Dummy! we - don't - want - your - business -tonight! Got it?!

Me (out loud, through gritted teeth): We have a lot of different kinds of pizzas, what kind do you
want?

Jerk: Well ... (picking up on the barely-concealed hatred in my voice) ... Tell you what; let me just get 5 pizzas with pepperoni, and 3 with beef. That'll get us started.

Me: OK, 5 pepperoni 3 Beef. And I am putting this in as a To-Go order, under the name "Cross-Country"

Then I had to tell my servers that they needed to start telling incoming customers to expect a 45-60 minute wait on pizzas, because we are not a fast-food place, and even 8 large pizzas takes a little while to put together.

Next thing I know I have 30 or more red and white track-suited cross-country runners invading my restaurant, lurking by the door, and making the place suddenly VERY crowded. Our already-seated customers were appropriately uncomfortable with eating with a swarm of high school students pressed up against them, so they ask for checks and make themselves scarce. for the same reasons, other incoming customers all beat a path for one of the other two restaurants in town.

The Jerk had brought them all in anyway. And our Friendly staff did the only thing they knew to do, they seated them.

I unclenched my fists and my teeth 45 minutes or so later, after they had left. The Jerk's minions all drank water, spending nothing, and when thew bill came he left his server a slightly-less-than-ten-percent tip.

They had displaced 30 good tippers, who would have most likely had a few $4 beers along with their pizza, and made my servers' misery at least a profitable one. As it turns out, even with this slap in the face, everybody made plenty of money last night, but as a matter of principle, it is still upsetting that anybody could be that obnoxious. If I weren't concerned with "Making a Scene" in front of the other, non-athlete customers, I would have probably done something stupid and regrettable.

Other than that though, my weekend was great!

Score!

According to Feedburner, which syndicates this blog and lets me track statistics on it, I know have a score of subscribers! (a "score" is twenty, for those of you who missed the week in school when you learned about the Gettysburg Address.)

This is up from my days of being literally daily, when my subscriber count bopped between 13 and 16. This is, I hope, a sign that you all like the new, "daily-ish" format pretty well. I haven't heard any complaints, which seems to me to be another good sign. Then again I haven't heard a lot of anything from most of you. A quick peruse through the comments will reveal the same 4 commenters over and over, so around 16 of you (if feedburner is at all accurate) have not said "hey" to let me know you are reading.


I just don't know who the score of you are... I can track site visitors in a lot more detail than I can track subscribers. I have racked my brain, and I can only confirm a half-score readers. If you are a subscriber who is not in the top 10 of the list below, post a comment to let me know you're out there, or, if you are philosophically opposed to commenting, then just zip me an e-mail!

1. Jeremy in San Diego, CA
   
2. Valorie in San Diego, CA
   
3. "Mommasee" in Nashville, TN
   
4. "Q" in Dallas, TX
   
5. Christina in Vancouver, WA
   
6. Becca
   
7. Me
8. Me again
9. Liz in Atlanta, GA
   
10. Merrill in Quito, Ecuador
    
11. Dad? in College Grove, TN
    
12. Ted? In Monteagle, TN
13. Chesman? in Knoxville, TN
    
14. ?
15. ?
16. ?
17. ?
18. ?
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A "Score" of readers is better than a "Dozen" readers, but only four more, and then I can say I have "Dozens" of readers! Then I will be famous, and everyone will like me and,(a la Counting Crows) I will be.. Just about as happy as I can Be! Sha-lalala-lalala!

BlogDaddyFrank, Signing Out.

I Want Pepperoni And Cheese On My Tombstone!

Hey Readers!

Blogger.com (The Site that hosts TDBotD) has made some small changes to the way comments work on their Blogs. I am experimenting with these functions and need to set up a bit of a conversation to test things out.

So in observance of National "Plan Your Epitaph" Day, I am inviting you to use my comment space here to write your own epitaph. Or if that's too scary, help me write mine! Or share a funny epitaph that you have heard, or write one for someone else.

Please keep things rated PG-13, though, because I am no longer actively moderating the comments. This will allow you to engage in a real-time conversation, without having to wait for me to drive to somewhere with an internet-enabled PC to approve of what you said. I will still get to read all the comments (which I can do from my cellphone), I just won't have to approve them (which I can't do from my cellphone.) The tradeoff is that you now have to do that little "prove-you-are-a-real-human" text-entry thingy to show that you are not a Spam-bot who wants to offer me SUPER LOW $$$ REAL PREMIUM V!AG.RA PILLZ!!! Thanks, But I have all the V!ag.ra pillz I need already. Whatever they are.

The other change to this is that you can check a box when submitting your comment to subscribe to the comments for that particular post. That way you can see what others are saying in response to your insightful comment. This is supposedly crazy useful, and I hope you will all give it a try. And don't worry, you can unsubscribe from comments by email at any time; just click the unsubscribe link in the comment emails you receive.

Here is a possible example to get you started.

"Here Lies Frank Gibson - He Fed Worms While He Was Alive, Too!"

Also, you could just use any of the "About Me" lines from the past 4 months. Just change them to the past tense! Some probably work better than others, though.

So, (imitating Mike Meyers' "Coffee Talk" character:) "Tawk amongst yahselves! The Topic: Epitaphs - Discuss!"

November: A Time For Harvest

We had a frost (or two) a few days ago, and there is a pretty good nip in the air these days, so this morning I decided to bring in all the remaining Bell Peppers on my remaining Pepper plant.

I had already pulled one crop of peppers off of this plant (About five small-to-medium peppers), and, as I started cutting the fruit off, I was actually quite amazed at the haul. I pulled another Ten!

Last year was the first ever I tried my hand at vegetable gardening, but I started too late in the summer to have any results. This year's was my first successful garden.

I ended up with:

• Uncountable hundreds of Roma Tomatoes (these plants will simply not die!)
  
• About a dozen "German Red Strawberry" Tomatoes
• Two pretty big Watermelons (next year I will try to remember to weigh them.)
• Two Horrible Looking, Twisted, Greenish-Gray, Carrots
• About half a dozen decorative "Jack-Be-Little" Pumpkins about the size of my fist. (I still have two of them that turned out really pretty.)
  
• Three or four salads worth of Great Lakes Lettuce, Black-Seeded Simpson Lettuce, and Endive (which is correctly pronounced "On-Deeve", by the way.)
  
• More Swiss Chard than I knew what to do with (I tried a pesto recipe, but it turned out terribly)
• One Artichoke Plant that is still, amazingly enough, alive, even though it has no chance of surviving the winter to produce fruit next spring. There is a reason they grow these in California!

And now I can Add to the list, The (probably) Final Fruit of my garden, more than a dozen Bell Peppers! Here are the last eleven, fresh picked this morning!

Now, if I only liked Eating peppers!

Until Next Post,
Proud PlantDaddy, Frank Gibson, Signing Out!

Thank Goodness They Finally Invented This!

The Coca Cola Corporation has Finally done something about their incredibly difficult-to-hold-on-to bottles. Those old bottles, you know, the ones that were always slipping out of your hand? Oh, the messes that used to cause! Spilled Coke everywhere!

I remember the old "Coke-Carry" relay races we used to have at our annual family reunion, right after the "Egg-In-The-Spoon"race. I remember I always used to drop the bottle, and I would have to go all the way back and start over. Uncle Jerry once carried a cold bottle of Coke over 30 Yards, without it slipping out of his hand once! But he did drop it when he tried to drink it, after the race was over! It went all over his pants!

Ahh, those were good times...

But alas, now with the creation of the new, easy to hold bottle, we will have to start using Pepsi, I guess.

I Got Rolled!

My yard got "rolled" last night. Or "TP'd", for you Non-Tennesseans.

I couldn't sleep last night (I usually can't on Wednesdays, they are the nights I switch over from "Graveyard Shift" to "Dinnertime Shift"), so I got up at 12:30, restless and hungry, to go get some grub at the Waffle House. I never used to eat at the Waffle House, unless I couldn't help it, but since Tennessee passed the new law at the beginning of October that makes it illegal to smoke in, or within 25 feet of the entrance to, any restaurant, I have eaten there twice. I did this for two reasons.

1. I can now stand to be in the Waffle House for more than three minutes
   
2. I feel sorry for the employees there since the government drove away 75% of their chain-smoker clientèle. No customers equals no tips. Thanks a ton, state government, for taking tips away from poor Waffle Waitresses. (The irony of the situation is, those waitresses are just going to spend those tips on cigarettes.)
   

***Start Rant***

I don't smoke, I don't like being around smoke, and I just pretty much hate cigarettes all together. But you know what I do like? Freedom. Over-protective, nanny-state, invasive, and freedom-restricting laws get on my nerves. And don't even get me STARTED about seatbelts!

***End Rant***

So anyway, I get up to go get some Waffle House chow, and as I step out of my back door I smellsulfur. It only takes me a second to remember that this is Halloween, and rotten eggs smell like sulfur. I quickly check my car. All clean. I walk around to the front yard and see toilet paper hanging from the large tree on the corner.

I have four extremely large, centuries-old, trees in my yard, and a vandal with a case of Angel Soft could cause a real headache for me that would be nigh impossible to clean up. But as I walked around the corner, I saw that the papering was limited to one side of the one tree closest to the road. Whoever it was that got me did a mighty poor job of it.

They seemed to have done a much better job on my neighbors' house, though. My neighbor, Tina, is a Halloween Baby, so her yard decoration was also a birthday present of sorts, I suppose. But it looks like whoever did her house got mine on their way out with the leftover rolls, and might not have even gotten out of the car to do it.

Oh well, All clear 'til next year, I suppose. I hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween, and here's wishing you a pleasant All Saint's Day, too!

Signs Of The Times.

In TDBotD's continuing coverage of the drought conditions in Monteagle, I thought I would share with you the take some of the local businesses and other public institutions have on the situation.

At the local haircuttery, "The Mane Attraction", the same style emporium that brought us the now famous Mullet Removal sign, their marquee is currently this...

Sorry about the picture quality, the light in their sign was off. Maybe they are into saving energy, too.

Just a block or so down the street, at the town's only liquor store, the sign says...

And almost across the street from the liquor store, the local Church of Christ's marquee reads...

SO... If you want to help out with the current water situation you can do one of the following things:

• Get A Haircut And Go To Church
• Get a Haircut and Get Drunk

However the following option is not recommended.

• Get Drunk and Go To Church

At least not at the Church of Christ. They frown on that, I hear. The Episcopalian church is about 4 miles down the road.