Air Guitar Competition

As I listened to music yesterday morning over my Breakfasty-toasty, I struck up a little "Air Guitar" to amuse my wife. (It worked. She was amused. Marriage does weird things to people.) What the song is, I cannot remember, but it must have been rockin'! As I strummed (or plucked, or picked, or whatever it is you do to a guitar) along with the song and my wife giggled, I said hey, do you know there is an air guitar competition?

"There's a contest for Everything" was her reply.

I am sure that this Competition started as a Joke; A Lark, along the lines of "Your air Guitar is so fake, Dude! You don't even move your left fingers at all!"

"Oh Yeah? well at least I put some effort into my showmanship, You just stand there, moving your fingers and staring into space like a Zombie. It's not true air guitar unless your making faces, and leaning way back, and jumping up doing the splits like Diamond Davie Lee Roth in that Van Halen video!"

"All the jumping-around-and-making-faces in the world doesn't make you a guitarist; Flava Flav jumps around making faces, He don't play no Guitar, though. He's a rapper!"

"Actually Chuck D is the rapper; I don't know What Flava Flav does... I think mostly he just jumps around makin' faces wearing that big Clock Necklace. Still, though, My Air guitar method is way better than your lame 'stand there and slightly sway back-and-forth' method."

"What 'Method'? You don't even look like you've ever even SEEN a guitar before, dude!"

"Alright, Check it out... Hey Pete! C'mere! Which one of us does the best Air Guitar to this song? Go back to Track #6.... No, number SIX..."

And pretty soon one of these dudes was calling himself the champion. And, of course, other equally opinionated rock fans soon questioned his legitimacy as champion, and a contest was held before the drunken crowd at some night-club (where Face-making and Jumping go a lot farther than accurate fretwork) Money changed hands as a result of a betting pool, and pretty soon one of these guys (Recently fired from the Dairy Queen, and short on funds) got the bright idea to become an "Event Organizer", and take a portion of everybody's bet to set up the "Championship" every other Thursday Night at Big Jake's Bar and Grill.

But alas, as with all such pursuits, We now have regional semi-finals and league certifications, and I might as well start a watch for the first Air-guitar Doping Scandal. (Gives a whole new meaning to "performance-enhancing" drugs, don't it?)

Pretty soon, eleven year olds will be pushed into the "Sport" by their over-zealous parents, whose guitar dreams never came to be, and who have Championship Dreams for their kid. These parents will hire the finest Russian coach to come to this country and put their kid through the brutal paces, building up his Air-Calluses, and perfecting his jumping-splits while wearing those Assless Leather Pants. (Which is not easy to do, by the way. Don't ask me how I know)

"This isn't a sport for Sissies, Son," I can hear the coach say. "If you can't headbang for five measly minutes without falling over dizzy, then How can you expect to get out there and go Toe-to Toe with champs like Hot-Lixx Hulahan?" (I'm not making that up, that's the actual 2006 Champ's name)

Well that's it for today's Daily Blog of the Day, Here is a parting Haiku, especially written just for you.

Which Competition
is Better than all the Rest?
Let's have a Contest.

P.S.-If you want to see more about the Air Guitar Championships, go here.
And buy me one of those Air-Guitar Trucker Hats while you're there!

The Eternal Question

I have mentioned how I plan to lay off from politics and/or religion in this blog. You may be asking yourself, "Self, (because that's what you call your self) what does that leave him to talk about? Aren't pretty much all the major, big, muy importante questions of life either political or religious in nature? Well my friends and beloved readers, the answer to your query is a resounding "No", for the biggest question of them all, one that has plagued humanity for all time is neither religious or political in nature (unless you want to make it that way, just to prove me wrong). No the question, the Eternal, Burning question is this....

Which is the better Superpower--- Flight, or Invisibility?

Which Brings us to the Daily Haiku of the Day:

If I were Bird-Winged,
I'd Have The Power of Flight,
But Shirts Would not Fit.

There is no one correct answer, of course. You have to ask your doctor which Superpower is right for you. Be sure to tell your doctor if you have any other Superpowers, or other pre-existing conditions such as Mutantism, Precognition, Or Kryptonite Allergies.

I think it breaks down mostly along Indoor/Outdoor lines. Flight doesn't do you much good in a indoors, close quarters scenario. However if your Special Talent is turning invisible, you aren't able to rush to the rescue if bad stuff is happening to people on top of collapsing bridges, or high up in burning buildings.

So Flight is the obvious answer for people who really haven't given the question too much thought. Flight is a better Spur-of-the-moment power for those pesky situations that pop up.
But If you want to really make a career out of your Superpower, Invisibility is the way to go. You have to plan things better, you can't just react, like you can with flight, but For the discriminating Nerd who has really thought it out, Invisibility is surely the way to go.

The Beginning

I am going to try to make it my habit in the montho' July to post something every day. Even if I don't have anything to say at all... Kinda' like FOX and CNN.... By The Way, did you know that Paris Hilton went to Jail? Geez you would think somebody would have mentioned it.

Speaking of Ms. Hilton I had a dream the other night that I had Sex with her. It was a nightmare!! The dream was mostly about afterward, when I realized that there was about a 99.9 percent chance that I had contracted one or more Sexually Transmitted Diseases from her, and wondering how I was going to tell my wife...

True Story!

This is a shirt I saw on a guy at the Ice Cream Shop where I used to work. It Read:

Haikus are Easy,
But Sometimes they make no sense.
Refrigerator.

That is the coolest shirt in the world, and It inspired me to create my own haiku:

Here is the (redundant) Daily Haiku for The Day:

I type Quite Slowly,
Barenaked Ladies' Songs Rock!
This Haiku is Done.

TDBotD FAQ.

Here are some questions you may be asking yourself right now, and their answers.

Who is this Guy?

My name is Frank Gibson, and I am a 29 year-old, white, college dropout. I was raised by Magicians. I have had nearly 20 different jobs, and nearly as many siblings (if you count deceased, living, adopted, biological, and foster siblings). I have been happily married for 6 years, and a homeowner for 3 (my house officially turns 100 this year), I currently have 2 dogs, and 4 cats (5 as of September), and no kids. I am a bit of a nerd in a variety of ways, and I currently work as a part-time waiter at a pizza restaurant and as a part-time clerk at a gas station, which is exactly where Mr. Pennington, my 5th grade Math teacher, told me I would end up if I didn't get my act together. I didn't ever get my act together, and it turns out he was totally right.

What is your Political Affiliation/Religious Affiliation/Favorite Sexual Position?

You will not find that out from my blog. I am not going to talk about Sex, Politics, or Religion in this blog. Not outright, anyway. I post under my own, real name, and my family members make up a significant portion of my readership as of this writing. It will have to suffice for me to say that I do attend a church, I do vote, and I am married. What my deep innermost feelings are about my religion, my political party, or my wife will not be aired here. I am here to make you laugh, mostly. It is hard enough to get anybody to read this stuff without saying things guaranteed to piss half of you off.

Did you know your blog's title is redundant/hard to type/really freaking long?

Yes. I did. Just bookmark it, and you'll only have to type it once.

How come you stopped doing the Haiku of the day?

Because I found out everyone else was doing it. Including at least one other guy who was doing haiku movie reviews.

How do I leave a Comment?

• Excellent Question! I love comments, as they prove that people are not merely loading my posts, they are actually READING them! To comment on any of my posts from the main page, simply click the little tiny word "Comments" below the post you want to comment on. It is right next to the little envelope picture.

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